what do you think

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2005
what do you think
4
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 11:40am
Stbx and gf broke up 2 months ago and since then we have been talking almost everyday.We didnt talk for 2 years because of anger issues with both of us.We have been hanging out and having sex for the last 2 weeks and get along better than we did when we were together.I think its because we arent together all the time and dont have and responsibilities together especially financial since that was our biggest problem.I know he still has feelings for xgf but she has moved on to someone else actually she had done that before they split.Thats what she does after she breaks up marriages.He said he never cheated when we were together and I believe him but I also told him there were other ways to cheat besides sex.I asked if he would have left if she wouldnt have been there waiting and he said probably not.He cant handle being alone and would have rather stayed in a bad marriage.He says he doesnt want to interfere in my life says he knows I am happy and have moved on.What do you think about this relationship?I know that most people say never to have sex with their stbx but right now it seems right.I told him it was just sex that we were friends w/benefits.My friends all think he wants me backbut im not sure.He says he loves me as a friend but doesnt want to get back together.My friends think he is saying that to protect himself because I told him its just sex.He said he cant just have sex he gets attached that is just how he is but he still keeps calling.I worry that if I keep doing this I could get attached again and end up getting hurt.He says that after what he has been through he isnt looking and doesnt want anyone.What do you think?Am i just fooling myself and am really making a big mistake?Thanks for your thought.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
In reply to: helpdev
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 12:25pm
I say be very carefull. My husband has a history with this kind of behavior and it is very hurtfull. As he told you himself "he doesn't want to be alone". So lets see ...your marriage was not doing well so he moved to the girlfriend then the girlfriend didn't work out and he goes back to you. So what is next? When he finds a new girl or if this one comes back then what happens to you?
May be he now sees how much you mean to him and he does want this marriage but if he is just using you to fill out the empty space then you are going to get hurt again.
I hope I am not being to hard ...good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: helpdev
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 1:37pm
I wish you the best and I say a prayer for you both. I hope this works for you. I would give anything to be in your shoes and get a second chance. Good Luck! Take care of yourself. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2005
In reply to: helpdev
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 1:58pm
No you arent being to hard.I have been telling myself the same thing and thats why I have been trying to treat it as just sex but like you said I am trying to be very careful because I dont want to get attached and get hurt.Right now I dont feel like I would but I will never know until that happens but I also know I dont want to go through the pain again.I never thought in a million years I would be in this situation with all the anger there was between us.Thank you so much for your advise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
In reply to: helpdev
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 1:19am
U are welcome and good luck...