What do you wish you had done?
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What do you wish you had done?
| Fri, 11-03-2006 - 9:35am |
I wrote a few days ago about my marriage and got some good advice back. My husband and I talked last night and divorce was mentioned by him and me a couple times. This morning he says he wants to work things out. With things going back and forth like this I want to try to prepare myself for the worst. If you could go back and "plan" for your divorce in advance are there any things you did or would do now to prepare finances, your kids, etc.
I don't want to get blindsided with a request for a divorce one day and be left financially unstable or with little access to my children. I know I may be being paranoid but I don't want to leave myself "unprotected".
Thanks for any thoughts.
Alison

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That is nice to hear.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I have always said if
somedays i wish i'd never said yes and accepted the marriage proposal. other days i wish i'd listened to my father on the way to the church the day of my wedding. but then i look at my kids and wish that i'd planned better financially for myself. i know that i will struggle financially initially, but things are so bad right now, it can only get better.
christine
Thanks for your reply. That is one of the first things I am planning on doing (looking at my finances). Good Luck! I hope things get better for you.
Alison
Hi! I am mainly a lurker and wanted to respond. This is long...
I married my H at 20....actually on my 20th birthday. Now we have been married for over 14 years and have four children. One biological and three adopted.
For the most part we had a very happy, perfect marriage! The envy of friends and family! H and I got along perfectly...best friends and our sex life was fantastic. H would do anything for me.
During the first nine years of marriage I was a SAHM. This was also around the time that I learned that my H was NOT financially dependable and was taking out loans without my knowing about it. Our house payment was not being made...I knew nothing about it as H handled the finances....and my mom had to loan us several thousand dollars. Finallly H came to me to tell me that he had to take out a debt consolidation loan....but he needed my signature. That opened the door for us to communicate. We talked about all the pros and cons and H swore up and down he would never do it again!
Two weeks later...I got a call from a credit card company saying that the credit card was maxed out and a payment was due! I told them they were wrong! We paid them off with a debt consolidation loan and their records needed to be updated! Then I called H to let them know those records were not being updated...Well...turns out THEY were right as H maxed out the credit card!
I made up my mind at that point that there was no way I could support myself and my children with my only being a SAHM. So I prepared myself and went back to school to finish my nursing degree.
And during those years we almost lost the house twice...my mom bailing us out both times and my H swearing it will never happen again!
During my third semester of nursing school, we had to file for Chapter 13. H swore that this will give him the chance to start over with a clean slate! As usual I agreed and supported his decision. I also let him know that I can not continue to live this way. If it happens again..I will leave!
A year later....there was a lien on our house as house payments were not getting paid...again...and bankrputcy payments were not being paid as well. So again...my mom loaned us several thousands of dollars to bail us out and we had to refile for bankruptcy.
And naturally I never left as I knew I couldn't make it on my own. I think H knew that and continued to mismanage finaces...and he would NEVER let me touch the finances...that was an adament NO!!!
I have never learned what my H does with the money. My mom suspects he may have a gambling problem.
I did talk to a divorce attorney who did suggest I need to wait until AFTER the bankruptcy to file for divorce! So as of now...I need to wait three and a half more years!
I had also learned recently that he borrowed $10,000 for his mother....and our tax return was used to pay court fees on a speeding ticket he had got and never told anyone about and forgot about the court date so more court fees were added on top of everything else!
H knows that more than likely in about four more years, I am gone! He doesn't like it and is hoping that he can rewin my love and trust....but I seriously douby it.
I don't want to have a horrible divorce. I do still care about H...but the trust is gone! I have no trust in him and I don't feel secure! So I am thinking if I can wait the over three years...we can both start our lives anew with a clean, fresh start. I'll also probably get more child support as well.
Right now I am working as a RN...I work with Qualilty Monitoring in my state's long term care agency. So I get weekend, state and federal holidays off....that is great with kids. Plus I do have my own checking account that only I can touch. I save up each month and am preparing myself for when I do leave as I can not live in this marriage.
So, yes, I am preparing for my divorce and have been for almost five years.
CK One
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