What to expect from my 3.5 yo?
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| Wed, 11-30-2005 - 11:06am |
I've been lurking here mostly since July. We are still living in our house while trying to sell it. It's ok, but sometimes STBX gets really angry. I am pretty withdrawn from him, and he's truly annoyed that I'm not hurting over the end of a 10-year marriage. Anyway, last night he told me this is going to destroy our daughter -- she will bear the scars forever if we actually divorce. That the next year will be total hell for her. I'd love to hear some experiences from people who have had relatively amicable divorces (if such a thing exists). We don't have any physical abuse issues, and I think custody will be ok. He is not working/underemployed, and I will probably have to pay child support to him, so that won't be an issue of not receiving on my side.....
What can I expect from my daughter? We will have 50-50 custoday, on a 2-2-3 schedule.

Wow, your situation is very similar to mine.
Here is a recent thread on amicable divorces, and my account of my amicable divorce.
Every child is different. Speaking generally, if you can remain strong and calm, and because you two are going to "share" her time fairly... your DD has an excellent chance of making a good adjustment. Though no one knows what may come down the road, with possible future step-families, finances... so many unknowns.
One of the hardest things (for you) when the split comes, will be to weather your DD's tears when she is with you and missing her father. No matter how strong and sure you are, that is going to be a rough ride!! Be calm, loving, understanding, echo back to her what she is feeling and let her know you understand. Take care.
In case you have read any of my story, please dont let that worry you. My divorce is far from amicable & my dd's father is mentally ill & an alcoholic & there was abuse & still is.
USUALLY, in situations where both parents are sane, responsible parents - they can put aside the hurt & anger to do what is in the best interest of the child. Hopefully that will be the case in your situation.
My dd was just turning 4 when he faher left. I explianed to her (at the time, b/c i really thought it WOULD work this way) that although she would be sad at 1st, we were still a "family", just a "different kind of family". I told her how she would have 2 houses to be with her mom & dad at, she would have toys at both, etc. & of course, that she could talk to or see her Dad anytime (it makes me sad to remember what hope i had that we COULD have an amicable co-parenting relationship).
amicable divorce?? isn't that an oxymoron.... lol
Every child is different and every divorce is different. i am not saying that you should stay together for the sake of your child, but IS there any way that you could fix the marriage? therapy?
you know, there are ways to greatly MINIMIZE the H**l for the kids