WHAT is the first step??

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2006
WHAT is the first step??
7
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 3:24pm
Husband and I had a huge fight this weekend. I was in the hospital for 3 days with a severe bladder infection. I drove myself to the ER and he never called, never came by, nothing. He said he had a job to do (church) and so my mom came in town and drove me home and got me settled in. I still have some recovery to do. I want out. This is enough. I have NO money, so I am not sure where to start. I have no family here-my parents live 3 hours away. He came in and changed clothes and went back out and has not returned but I am sure he will this evening. There are no "how are you feeling?" He left this morning going to another hospital because a church member was having surgery. This is not right. He is so resentful of me if I am sick or upset or ANYTHING that takes him away from church. I found a house to rent but the problem is that it is only 2 miles from my house where I live now. I am not sure I want to be that close. What do I do?? I have to go back to the doctor tomorrow, I wonder if I should see an attorney first?? I am so scared and mad and upset and depressed. I just feel so controlled by him. He yells at me and the kids and never has anything good to say to any of us. He was mad at my oldest because he stayed home with me during church and didn't come. WHAT do I do?? WHY do I still feel the need to protect his reputation??
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 3:54pm

WHY do I still feel the need to protect his reputation??

Peace,

Di

***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 7:45pm

Pwinn,


It sounds like your husband has forgotten his No. 1 responsibility: you. You do not say how long you've been married or if his lack of response to your crisis is typical. If this has happened before, then I agree you are in an abusive relationship and need to seek help to get out. If this is a first occurence, I'd encourage you to still seek assistance, and also try to get some help for your husband. It sounds like he's just shut down when it comes to his family and he needs help getting his priorities in order.


Post here as much as you like.


Good luck.

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 10:14pm

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlsmartdivor&msg=18418.1&ctx=128


Wisdom,


This is in fact an abusive relationship that has been on going for years.

Peace,

Di

***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2006
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 11:42am
Thanks for all of the help and advice. It is so hard to realize and admit this is what this is. What is so strange is that there are times, (when all is well in his eyes and in his mind) that he can be nice. If he has had a good week or he has been able to visit with others and manage his time well, then he is pretty nice. But......when we are broke, or when he has overloaded himself, or someone makes a comment he does not like....well then all hell breaks loose and he is a mess and he is so hard to live with. EVERYONE in our house cowers down to his behavior and his mood and we all just try to stay out of the way. I think what is making me more and more determined to leave is the look in my childrens eyes when he starts on a tangent. They look at ME for help and I have none to give them. I just want out. I talked to my oldest yesterday about one of her friends who made a comment that they didn't believe in God. I asked her if she felt it was right (what they believed) and she said no, that she still believed fully in God but she doesn't feel God anymore. She doesn't feel God anymore. Man that is so hard to write out. We live in the same house with one of his shepards and she cannot feel God anymore. Neither of my children have the desire to go to church. Every week it is a struggle. I am just beat down right now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 12:09pm

The man that you live with took and oath, made a covenant and a vow to represent and display the character of God.

Peace,

Di

***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2006
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 3:44pm
I am going to email you off of this board also. I am so appreciative of your advice and your concern. Yes, I think money is probably the biggest hold back. No, my parents aren't an option. I have a good job here and need to keep it. It is insurance for me and the kids and it does pay pretty good and has good hours. Also, my parents are in the middle of adding on to their house, so they are in a travel trailer themselves and there is NO room, plus another thing is that my oldest is a senior and I don't want to move in their senior year-they have lots of friends and this is an important year for them. I really want to wait until Christmas is over-that will give me some time to get a little money (what is left from Christmas) and plus I am starting to go through my whole house and clean out cabinets and dressers and closets so that when I do go--it will be easier to know what I am taking, instead of wading through all that stuff. I am currently getting photo albums sorted and duplicated. Getting all of my old clothing and the kids old clothing out of the way. I have found a place to rent......but it is a mile and a half from where I live now. Not sure if that will work but just thinking.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 4:04pm

If the house a mile away from

Peace,

Di

***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***