What gives stbx the right?
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| Wed, 05-23-2007 - 9:26pm |
What gives stbx the right to take my kids so much? I just need to vent. For years he's had nothing to do with the kids. He's chosen to come home and crawl into a bottle of beer and play computer games pretty much ignoring us now he's entitled to the kids? Why am I being punished so he can have what he wants?
He's got the girls this weekend so I won't see them at all from Friday until Monday night then his two evening visits are Tuesday and Wednesday next week so I won't have any appreciable time with them until next Thursday. I wish he'd just drop off the face of the earth. I don't care that he left but why is he taking my kids when he's had nothing to do with them for so long?
The only things he ever did for the kids were out of necessity because I wasn't here. Now he's entitled to them? This is just making me sick.
I just need to vent.
I just had a fight with dss. He started in on me saying that stbx wouldn't be fighting me like he is if I'd just agreed to give him what he wanted up front and not filed for divorce. WTF? STBX tried to stick me with all the bills in this house while he was to move into a condo and get a Mustang and he wanted me to hand him the kids in spite of drinking excessively (excessively for HIM. He drinks daily and has for many years) for the past three months. How the hell can dss think I should have just rolled over and taken it up the butt and handed my kids to a drunk? I guess blood is thicker than water. Never mind I raised him while his father ignored him like he ignored the girls.
I'm so hurt and mad tonight I just want to scream.
I've never hated someone so much in my life. When he doesn't call the girls or return their calls, I keep hoping he wrapped his car around a tree. I've never wished harm on someone before. I hate this.
Edited 5/23/2007 9:32 pm ET by gr8fulmom1

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gr8
how old are your kids?
i am a firm believer in allowing them to play with their friends and have a little life of their own. its important in develping the social skills that you lose when you are raised in an alcoholic household. (i know what i am talking about here). limit the time or allow the kids to play inside for bit. i know its difficult for you, and you want them with you. it sucks.
try not to isolate them too much from being kids. i hope you understand what i am trying to say. please don't think i am being tough on you because your situation is terrible.
My girls are 9 and 11. I try to give them time to be kids but sometimes it's hard. Next week will be a hard one for me. STBX has them for the weekend so I won't see them until Monday night and then only for a few hours. Then he has them Tuesday and Wednesday as his normal week day visits.
By the time they get home on Thursday, I'm just going to want to hold them but they'll be needing to get out with their friends. I have to let them do that. It's just hard though.
gr8
they are getting to the age where, soon, they will be able to tell the judge where they want to be. until then, keep fighting. i am so sorry you have to share custody.
your stbx has older children??
what
Unfortunateley, no. My county does parents rights not children's rights. Children never get to say where they want to be. That one shocked me. I thought in a couple of years they could. If I lived in any of my neighboring counties they could. Here, they decide at 18. The court or the parents decide before that. Which REALLY SUCKS.
This is why I'm worried about custody. They don't care that stbx drinks. If he stands there and claims his "right" to be a dad, they'll likely give it to him because his parenting rights are all that count. Not my kids right to sanity in their lives.
amazing.
usually, or typically, most judges consider the children first, not the parental rights.
what state do you live in?? (if i can ask)
what
I'm in Michigan but it's my county that's the problem not may state. This is the only place I've ever heard that they don't consider what the kids want. At least by the time the're teens. It's father's rights all the way here. If I were in any of our neighboring counties, it would be a different story. They do the best interest of the children. Here, the best interest of the children is deemed to be treating them like little assets to be evenly divived between the parents. In spite of everything, stbx may get the 50/50 custody he wants.
In my case, I have testimony of two counselors and an alcohol assessor saying stbx is an alcoholic but that is not enough to get me custody!!!! I have to prove his drinking is a problem for the kids. Doesn't matter that he checks out and ignores them when he drinks. I'm having a tough time because he has no DUI's and he's never beaten anyone. One counselor (can't talk to the other one so who knows what he'll say) and the assessor say that stbx will start drinking again. That his current sobriety is only "window dressing" for the court. It's only a matter of time.
STBX does not want to go to mediation but I have no choice. Mediation opens dd#1's counseling records and there lies the only evidence I have of the impact his drinking has on the kids. So, this will be an expensive divorce.
Oh, and he just left with the kids. As luck would have it, dd#1 lost her cell phone today. I had an old one that sometimes works and sometimes doesn't that I reprogrammed with her number but I may or may not be able to actually talk to her on it. It's fickle. UGH. That cell phone is my lifeline to my babies!!!!
I think I'll go shopping and get a cell phone for dd#2. I wasn't going to since she's only 9 but I'm thinking both of them having cell phones is a good thing right now. Hopefully, dd#1 lost hers on the bus but we can't check until Tuesday. It's insured but it will take a couple of weeks to get a replacement as they send you a rebuilt phone not a new one and they send it in the mail.
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