What he told me...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
What he told me...
2
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 3:54am

I have been seperated from my husband since July 11th, but two weekends ago he "got it" and started in on me how i'd never make it in the world. It's been 2 weeks of utter shaming and blaming. Until Sunday I hated to hear his footsteps behind me (I am still living in his house because I financially have no means, but have applications in all over but have mostly been a housewife for 23 years) because I knew he would come to degrade me more. He finally told me I would die his wife because if I ever went to court for a legal seperation or a divorce, he would take my daughter and never let me see her. I have had issues with depression for most of our life together and have been hopsitalized for med changes 7 times. They were all voluntary stays but the judge wouldn't look on them as good for my daughter. My diagnosis is Major Depression with Psychosis and that will kill me in court. Funny thing is that the last med they put me on is the one that "woke me up" and let me see how controlled I was. He has been a great caretaker all these years but I think he fostered my illness to play the night in shining armor role. This weekend our Friends offered us a chance to go to a "weekend to rememeber" marriage workshop and he said yes and I, well I said yes too. I didn't want them to think I didn't try to save this marriage. The weekend offers Christian guidance and counseling on how to make your marriage better. But in my heart I don't want to go. But it has changed his whole attitude now that he thinks we have a chance again he has stopped belittling me and has stopped the "quiet yelling" (so our DD didn't hear). He has stopped following me into rooms and locking the door behind him and starting on me all over. The conference isn't till November 16th - 18th and all I can think of is I'll have peace till then. Then Monday morning he was all huggy and loving after barraging me with guilt for the last few months and after therapy on Tuesday I told him it hasn't changed anything where I want all that lovey dovey stuff and he got a little tiffed and said it's the only way we're going to get back together if we are loving to each other. But I can't take these past few weeks of the constant belittling and shaming and tearing down my self esteem and then the next day be lovey dovey again. He at one time made a budget and showed me how if he paid me $800 in Alimony and child support just living with him I would be in debt #354 dollars a month. So how could I possibly live on my own. He had talked to my mom and she said I couldn't come home to live but when I talked to her she said she meant forever that I would have to have a plan and not "come home as a child to live with mommy". After I settled that with my mother he called her back and asked why she said I could come home. It's like he is blocking every avenue I have to get out. I am so tired. I did give in to going to this conferencer just to get some peace. Now he wants his kisses hello and goodbye and for me to say I love you as I always did

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 9:02am

I am so so sorry that you are going thru this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 10:14am
cheer up. Things will get better. Your doing much better. If you feel that you would be better without him there are people who can help. I left an abusive marriage too. My ex did the same thing to me. It was so hard. But now I am doing very well. You can too. It takes time but you can do it. Hold your head up and remember that you are strong and you are a good mother. Take care.