What I Want..... VENTING

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
What I Want..... VENTING
24
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 1:35pm

I want a normal life.

A life with a h who isn't an alcoholic, who goes to work and supports his family. Kids who worry about normal things, like homework, not why don't we have a family like we used to, a home with a loving family, not one with a roommate sharing expenses.

i am 40 years old. i thought by this point in my life i would be consumed with preparing my older son for college, continuing to grow a nest egg for retirement, and watching my children grow into beautiful, productive members of society WITH THEIR FATHER BY MY SIDE. but no, i am alone, in a house with a roommate and her kids, sharing living expenses so i can survive until my next payday or until my stbx decides to mail the child support check. in the meantime, i have to take stbx to court for his continued intimadation and harrassment. my roommates 16 year old attempted suicide last night (he took 20 benadryls) over a girl, my father is still in the icu, day 9, for alcohol withdrawals, my friends have abandoned me for having an affair, my xap won't talk to me, because my stbx told his w about our a, and i feel like a total failure.

why is life so hard? and will i survive this "winter period" of my life? i need springtime.

ugh

what.

what

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 5:18pm

Oh God, honey, words cannot express ... I am SO SO sorry!

Yes, me too, although I don't have it so bad (yet).

I will keep you in my prayers!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 6:53pm

You and I should take up writing country songs, lol. I'm 47 and my alcholic ex just left me (what does that say when you get dumped by a drunk? lol). My dad died 4 days after stbx left. My kids want NORMAL so badly it stinks but everything is up in the air.

I'm afraid we lost to a mistress we can't fight. Alcohol. I wouldn't care except for my kids. They're the only reason I stayed as long as I did. Not that staying with an alcoholic is a good thing but it's better than the damned 50/50 physical custody arrangement my stbx wants in order to avoid child support. I WISH he actually wanted the kids. He just doesn't want to pay anything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 3:52pm

<>

gr8,

my kids are the reason i stayed. once we lost the house to foreclosure and had to file bankruptcy, it hit me. starting over with his jobless drunk @$$ wasn't going to happen. i have $30 in my checking account until payday. and you know what? i have never been happier or more at easy with myself in my entire life.

F him, and his booze.

happy mothers day.

what

what
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2006
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 7:41pm
"Normal" would be nice. When someone askes me "what's going on?" I want to be able to say "nothing" and mean it. There is nothing going on. The house is fine...the kids are fine...there is nothing going on. Every one is happy and not missing there @ss of a dad who walked out on us 9 1/2 months ago and isn't willing to work on things..........and then blames me for not giving him more 'time' when I filed for divorce this week.
Avatar for eatatmoms
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 8:15pm

I remember something from when my fist child was an infant and I asked when my life would be normal again. I was told that life will never be like it was, that now I have a new normal. With every change there comes a new normal. Life seems normal, there is a sometimes turbulent transition, and then we settle into our new normal. It's life and sometimes it really sucks, but we keep going along on our path and you must know that one day things will feel good again. I'm a true believer that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Wait till you see how wise and strong you will be. You're well on your way!

Hugs,
Melanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
Sun, 05-13-2007 - 7:33pm

<>

oh, i wish i could agree with that. the past few days have been so hard. (actually, truth be told, the past 4.5 years have been hard.)

am i ever going to make it through this maze?

What

what
Avatar for eatatmoms
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 7:30pm

It is very hard, but you are on your way. You've taken the hardest steps so far and while there will be more difficult ones, sometimes just the deciding and doing is the hardest part. Like you said, the last 4.5 years have been rough, don't forget you're on your way to calmer, happier times. Even if you don't believe it or see it yet, when you look back, you'll see the strides you've taken.

Melanie
(((((((what))))))

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 8:47pm

(((((((melanie))))))))))

the support here has been incredible. thanks!

what

christine

what
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 10:12pm
What, I recognized you from some other boards. I want to tell you how brave and strong you are for getting out!! I keep telling my kids that "life isn't fair" but boy does it suck when it's not fair to me! Hang in there, I wish you the best and I think you are already stronger than you know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 11:13pm
Different isn't bad! It's just different!

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

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