What if
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What if
| Mon, 12-18-2006 - 4:55am |
What if you can't do it? I've been to the lawyer, I know i'll be ok financially now, but what if i just don't have the strength to tell my kids their lives are about to be turned upside down. I'm seriously thinking after being cheated on and lied to for many years of staying. Anyone else just too scared to tell their kids> or just too scared period?

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Yes, absolutely, I was married to an abusive man for 18 years. While I was his target, it was hard, but the minute that he started on the children, I fled from him. It wasn't easy starting all over in another state. But, you have to understand your self-worth. YOU ARE IMPORTANT as a person and as a human being. You deserve to have a happy marriage and your children deserve to have you happy. Because if you are not happy, then they will really see it and the weight of the baggage will effect you terribly whether or not you realize it.
Go talk to a counselor, take the time you need with this. If you have decided that there is no hope of rebuilding and he is not working on whatever issues he has with you then it is up to you to end the marriage. No one said you had to do it today. Get tested for STDs and document whatever you have available about his affairs. Open up your own bank accounts, get your own credit card, prepare everything you can in advance and it will make everything much easier when you do decide when you want to leave. Good luck to you!! Keep us posted on how you are doing.
--Joy
If you need strength to tell your children, think of it this way.
Your children learn about marriage and relationships by watching you and your husband. Your example is the basis for how they will live their lives.
Although the short term seems dificult, they need to know that when someone is treated poorly, they hve the right, and the responsibility, to take care of themselves. Being trapped in a bad marriage is something to get fixed, not simply accept.
Do you want your kids to marry someone like their father? Do you want them to treat a spouse the way you have been treated?
And depending on the age of your kids, they already know, to varying degrees, that someone has been, and continues to be, very very wrong.
You can do this!
Rose
Hi~
Kids are resilient.... and they know more than we think they know.
When I told my kids that we were splitting up, I just told them that mom and dad would be happier with each other if we lived in different houses, and that they'd still get lots of time with both of us (of course, EX and I have to work to make that happen, but it's worth it).
If you're not happy.... you're not being the mom and that want to be... that you deserve to be... and if your marriage is wrecked... it's not being fair to you, or your husband, to stick it out.
I was prepared for the worst with my kids, but I think that I presented it in a reassuring, optimistic way... and they were fine.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Rose,
I replied to your post below, but wanted to add a "me too" here. I know my dds are going to be devasted. Lots of folks talk about having a more optimistic attitude about how the kids will handle it ... I think alot of folks rationalize about impact on the kids to make themselves feel better about the decision to divorce.
Sometimes, though, divorce is the right thing ... then cooperating as much as possible is the best I guess.
We met with a mediator today. I wasn't happy with her quick interjection of her ideas and opinions as to what was reasonable or right. This was just an intro meeting -- she knows nothing about me or m h or kids ... I was not pleased. I had a lawyer, but she now has cancer so I am hoping to switch to her partner or another lawyer.
Anyway, if d is inevitable then I guess we try our best to act and make decisions that best serve the children.
GL,
M
Rose
Well, first of all, no matter what, the kids don't need to know the details.... who, what, why... other than "we can't live in the same house together any more."
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I love your caring, positive and honest approach. I was literally panicking about how to explain this to our girls - ultimately I do think we will all be happier living separately. I do not plan on dating for a long long long time (DH will likely jump right into the fire though!)- I don't think the girls will be exposed to any new partners for at least a good number of months anyway. That will likely make it easier on them too. Deep down I know this is right for us - thanks again - I need to save your advice for use in a a couple of weeks.....
Phew.... do you hear me breathing easier....?
Rose
I'm glad that you are breathing easier.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
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