What a lousy weekend
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| Mon, 08-18-2008 - 2:27pm |
My SIL got married on Fri. I was a bridesmaid in the wedding. I was fine and dandy until she walked down the isle and I saw how her now husband looked at her and was taken straight back to my wedding day when my STBX looked at me like that.....I bawled like a baby and just couldn't stop.
I love my SIL and wish nothing but the best for her and her new DH, but lesson learned....when going through a divorce, don't go to a wedding.
I just felt soooooo weird being there b/c this is my STBX's family. I really felt like I didn't belong there. I mean we are still married, but I felt like I'm not part of that family anymore. (His family still thinks of my as a daughter/sister). Just knowing we were there as husband and wife felt like such a HUGE lie. My SIL had asked me to be a bridesmaid before DH and I decided to separate and when she found out, she still wanted me in the wedding.
Just little things, like knowing that that was the last family picture I was going to be in or being involved in family functions when I'm fixing to not be part of that family saddened me. Just knowing that I can never have that kind of love again with him makes me sad. Don't get me wrong, I know that this divorce is the best thing for me, for the both of us, but just knowing that we DID love each other and that he DID look at me with love in his eyes.......Just very painful.
I wish I could just shut off that part of my memory....for now and forget the good times that we had so that this isn't so painful for me. I try to just remember the bad so that I remember why we are getting a divorce. Does that make any since? I haven't cried about it in a long time and thought that I was done doing that, but man....seeing how happy in love they were sure did bring back memories for me.
What's even worse, STBX kept asking me if I was OK or "What's on my mind" or "Do you want to talk". No I wasn't ok, no I don't want to talk. I mean come on...did he seriously think that seeing someone getting married wouldn't affect me in some way?
Sure I love my SIL and am extremely happy for her and her new DH. I actually feel a little selfish for crying for my own sadness instead of her happiness. I actually went back to the dressing room to cry b/c I didn't want to ruin her big day. I didn't want her (or anyone else for that matter) to think that I was trying to draw attention to myself about my divorce when she was getting married.
Just glad it's Monday (that's a first) and it's all over. Thanks for letting me get all that off my chest.

I can see how that would be painful & bring back memories.
That would be hard.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
We talked yesterday. He had the nerve to tell me that the reason I cried at the wedding, or in his words, "Why you made yourself cry" is because of their vows. He said that what they told each other is unrealistic bullsh!t and that life isn't really like that.
I proceeded to tell him, "I know that romance isn't like that.....I married you didn't I?"
Boy, that didn't make him happy. I know that love like that exists. I don't mean the we just got married and are still newlyweds love. My sister and her husband are fixing to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary and they are still so in love with each other. I mean the kind of love that makes you want to gag! :) I love them though.
I completely understand your feelings. I pretty much
Oh gosh, I really sympathize with you!
You know, at that wedding I was working at, I saw an elderly couple that were sitting at a table most of the reception.
Emom13