What is she thinking?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2007
What is she thinking?
2
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 3:10pm

Since my wife admitted her affair and moved out I have suspected things in her head just aren't right. AS everyone found out they have all been amazed and don't understand. She won't consider reconciliation or counseling.

Our oldest son had his 11th birthday last weekend. We went thru his cards frm teh weekend this morning. The one from his mother was signed, "I love you, (her name)or Mom".

For some reason this has us all puzzled again.

Any thoughts, he has never called her by her first name.

Jdw

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 4:03pm

I wish I had some insight to offer you and your son. So many of these stories have similar themes including a person's whole personality seems off (my former husband included) and they act strangely.

The best advice I can offer is as long as you are consistent with your children, they will have one parent on whom they can rely. Is it okay, IMHO, to admit to your children that you are confused by the other person's behaviour as long as the end of the focus is on the stability you offer. I have said to my kids "I know it is hard and confusing and I don't know why he acts that way sometimes. I think he is sad and confused right now. But what I can tell you is what I will do. I will always be here for you and we'll figure this out together." I am also careful that while I let my children know it is confusing that I show a confident and strong parent in myself so they won't be scared.

You can't control what she does, you can only control yours and what you show your son. Allowing him permission to have his feelings and giving him support and reassurance are what he needs from you.

I wish I had better answers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 4:28pm

I have no answers for you either. I just want to warn you against the pitfall of assuming that the other party has something wrong "in her head". Doing so does a great job of absolving you from having to deal with your own behaviours and issues and/or taking responsibility for matters such as they are.

Focus on yourself and your son. Unless she's being overtly dangerous, don't look for trouble where there may not be any.