What should I do 1st?
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| Thu, 01-25-2007 - 8:11pm |
Thank goodness I found this site!
I'm not certain what steps I should be doing at this point? Our lease is up in June and I already have an idea or two on where I'd like to move in with the kids. But after that...where should my head be? H knows that I'm 90% leaving (he's fighting me on it) but to let my life feel easy I have shut up and said nothing. I have taxes coming up and I truly plan to use all of that money as mine. His returns are always taken by Uncle Sam to pay his back child support and the money that I earn is usually what we use...but this time, I need that money for me and the girls to move out and get an apartment.
My list looks a lil too shaky to me but help:
File Taxes
Save that money
Put deposit down on new place
Call Lawyer
Divide material possessions
I know there is so much more but what?!? This seems too cut and dry

You're thinking just like me. Here are my thoughts right now:
Establish credit in your own name.
Copy all financial records & put in a safe deposit box.
Open your own checking account.
Get a P.O. box for your mail.
Take precautions not to get caught cheating - lock your phone, establish a private e-mail account, get phone bill e-mailed to private e-mail address as well as credit cards & bank statements.
Inventory assets.
List assets/liabilities/debts.
Collect statements, account numbers & balances on all accounts.
Save money.
Clean out your house. Have a yard sale, sell on e-bay & pawn to collect cash which you will need to get started with your new life.
I am sure that others can add to this list.
Well, first of all, I'd move "talk to a lawyer" to the top of your list.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Thanks!
I have already:
1. opened my own bank account.
2. opened a sep. email account
3. had my phone, bank statements sent via email
4. Spoken to a lawyer ( I had a consultation in Oct last year) he advised me to MOVE OUT NOW but I couldnt because of the lease.
5. The bills for the apartment are split bewteen the two of us and they obviously need to still be there.
I earn and pay for all of the benefits...always have - comes right out of my check (he doesn't keep a job long enough, or doesn't work in an industry where it is better than mine (I suppose)
I plan to go again to that lawyer to get started..but seeing as how they charge per hour -I wanted to have lots more stuff in hand and ready to go before I get slammedw/ charges. The best thing is that through my employer - I have the legal aid thing...so I wont have to pay for the services UNLESS it goes over like 16-18 hours
DH has threatened to take child away from me - and then changes tune that child can live with me but NO MAN can come to my place...He goes back on forth on the understanding of what is taking place. We haven't spoken kindly to each other in months...I said in the beginning that it was a separation (so that it was easier for him to grasp) but now I'm working from a lot of pain..
I have 5 months to go
2. open new bank accounts, get your salary deposited there, and consider splitting current account.
3. copy paperwork - wedding licences, birth certificates, passports. Salary statements, previous tax filings, bank statement, 401K... investments, ownership of cars/houses/business
4. STOP USING YOUR HOME PC for communications other than purely mundane. consider using it anyway (as a cover) but all divorce research (and all messages you may post here!!!) do them from another safer PC. Public libraries have free ones. A PC can be set up so any key pressed is recorded, every screen is registered. and the log of all this can be sent out of your home. and it's easy to do, and costs about 20 bucks!!!
5. figure out what jobs are ok for you, and start job hunting. much easier now than later, and that will make easier getting a new place (solvency helps!)
Ann,
As I read your post today, I completely felt for you!! Having to go through the decisions that life throws our way, in divorce-especially with children, is tough!! I'm glad that you decided to post! Welcome!!
I've only been on the board a short time, but let me tell you this . . . the cl's here, and the people on this board are terrific!!
When I read your list, a couple of things came to mind . . . So, I've numbered them, to give you an idea of where my brain went with this . . .
2.) File Taxes
3.) Save that money
4.) Put deposit down on new place
1.) Call Lawyer
5.) Divide material possessions
My reasonings behind this? First, call and set up an appt with an atty. Since you need the tax money to save for a new place, you need to know what your rights are, and your stbx's on claims to that money. When you go to your first meeting w/atty, take in: a copy of your marriage license, your children's birth certificates, bank statements, your last pay stub, and his if he's working and you can get it. I wrote down a "life story" for my atty. He wanted to see exactly what my viewpoint was on my marriage, and if there was anything in that story that he needed to know. Took me days, but I did it. You need to let your atty know what type of custody you will be fighting for. You also need to let him/her know whether you will need spousal support. Give them an idea of what your monthly bills are now, and what the payment at your new place will be. You need to have a list of all of your assets, and that includes the "marital property". I took pictures for my atty of the "big" things, my x is a mechanic for example so I took pics of his tools.
As for dividing your assets, this usually can't be done, except for personal property that you and the children will need to live daily, until the divorce is over. If you are planning on taking furniture, etc., then you need to let your atty know that upfront, and why you are taking it.
This is not an easy process by any means. But I know, it helped tremendously to have the people here on this board, there for me.
Keep us up to date on how you're doing!!
Take care,
Laurene