What should I do?
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| Tue, 10-09-2007 - 12:21pm |
This is my 1st time doing this, but I wanted to get some advice on my situation.
I've been marry for almost 22yrs next week & have 2 beautiful girls 16&10. We seperated for 3mths 6yrs ago,I was always the 1 who took care of paying the bills all my H did was put his check in the bank & I had to figure out how to pay for everything.(I'm a hairstylist worked in salon that we built in our house & did well)I felt that everything was on me & thats when we seperated the 1st time. 1 of the conditions for us getting back together was he would take over the bills. He did take over but was always letting me know how much he was doing. I think he forgot what a H was supposed to do & thought he was doing way more than he should. In the last 3yrs I started on the spiral into a depression that I'm just now starting to come out of(w/help from my therapyst)The thing is that during that time my husband did nothing to help me or find out what was going on. I had changed so much, never wanted to do or go anywhere, It really got bad(depression) from the begining of this year till about 2&1/2 months ago when I finally woke up & realized I needed help. We started going to therapy (couples & by ourselfs) but the only reason my H was going was so I could not say he didn't go w/me. The counsoler asked him if he felt like he was in any way responsible for me being depressed & he said no. (1 of the reasons I started w/the depression was that I was not making as much money as I was used to.2 The lack of support from the person that is supposed to be there in sickness & in health) he would say "Just get up & LIVE" He asked me if I wanted to go on vacation to Germany & I told him that was not a place I ever really wanted to go & I did not have the money for it. If I was going to spend money to go on a vacation it would 1st be to a place I've always wanted to go (Greece)but if he wanted to go w/his friends "go"( This is right before I started going to therapist) Well to my big surprise he made plans w/his friends. So I start going to therapist & taking my meds for the depression, I start to feel better or at least I start to feel again when it's the date for THE VACATION. The reason he went on this vacation was to show me that he could & would do things even if I didn't want to, because he is still in that frame of mind that the depression is my problem & my problem only. In a way I wished I hadn't started to the meds so I woukdn't have cared or felt anything while he was gone, & get this he comes back on the day of my B.Day @1:45pm. Did not bring me or our girls anything back. I got a bag of candy corn that he stopped @ the drugstore to get on his way home from airport. Now that I'm feeling better & that we have talked about how I felt about THE VACATION, Him not being there for me & how cold he was. he thinks that we should just put everything in the past start fresh & just move on. This is the part that is so hard for me, I can't just move on. I told him I can't beleive him when he says that he loves me so much & he would give anything for me. I feel that if you truly love someone that way you would not leave them when they need you the most. What I'm thinking of doing is moving into a small place w/my girls of course & if he really means what he says he can win me over again. @ least for 3mths. I would really like to hear anything you might have to say about this.
Thanks for your time
Lola

Hey.... of course you can't just put it behind you.... you didn't feel ANY sincerity from him
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~