What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2007
What should I do?
1
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 12:21pm

This is my 1st time doing this, but I wanted to get some advice on my situation.
I've been marry for almost 22yrs next week & have 2 beautiful girls 16&10. We seperated for 3mths 6yrs ago,I was always the 1 who took care of paying the bills all my H did was put his check in the bank & I had to figure out how to pay for everything.(I'm a hairstylist worked in salon that we built in our house & did well)I felt that everything was on me & thats when we seperated the 1st time. 1 of the conditions for us getting back together was he would take over the bills. He did take over but was always letting me know how much he was doing. I think he forgot what a H was supposed to do & thought he was doing way more than he should. In the last 3yrs I started on the spiral into a depression that I'm just now starting to come out of(w/help from my therapyst)The thing is that during that time my husband did nothing to help me or find out what was going on. I had changed so much, never wanted to do or go anywhere, It really got bad(depression) from the begining of this year till about 2&1/2 months ago when I finally woke up & realized I needed help. We started going to therapy (couples & by ourselfs) but the only reason my H was going was so I could not say he didn't go w/me. The counsoler asked him if he felt like he was in any way responsible for me being depressed & he said no. (1 of the reasons I started w/the depression was that I was not making as much money as I was used to.2 The lack of support from the person that is supposed to be there in sickness & in health) he would say "Just get up & LIVE" He asked me if I wanted to go on vacation to Germany & I told him that was not a place I ever really wanted to go & I did not have the money for it. If I was going to spend money to go on a vacation it would 1st be to a place I've always wanted to go (Greece)but if he wanted to go w/his friends "go"( This is right before I started going to therapist) Well to my big surprise he made plans w/his friends. So I start going to therapist & taking my meds for the depression, I start to feel better or at least I start to feel again when it's the date for THE VACATION. The reason he went on this vacation was to show me that he could & would do things even if I didn't want to, because he is still in that frame of mind that the depression is my problem & my problem only. In a way I wished I hadn't started to the meds so I woukdn't have cared or felt anything while he was gone, & get this he comes back on the day of my B.Day @1:45pm. Did not bring me or our girls anything back. I got a bag of candy corn that he stopped @ the drugstore to get on his way home from airport. Now that I'm feeling better & that we have talked about how I felt about THE VACATION, Him not being there for me & how cold he was. he thinks that we should just put everything in the past start fresh & just move on. This is the part that is so hard for me, I can't just move on. I told him I can't beleive him when he says that he loves me so much & he would give anything for me. I feel that if you truly love someone that way you would not leave them when they need you the most. What I'm thinking of doing is moving into a small place w/my girls of course & if he really means what he says he can win me over again. @ least for 3mths. I would really like to hear anything you might have to say about this.

Thanks for your time
Lola

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 10-27-2007 - 11:13pm

Hey.... of course you can't just put it behind you.... you didn't feel ANY sincerity from him


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~