What should I expect from 19 yr old

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2003
What should I expect from 19 yr old
12
Sat, 06-14-2008 - 2:06pm

Thanks to all the people who gave me encouraging words to get me through my anniversary(it was our 29 he left 3 months ago.)


My question is about my 19 year old who is home from college. She just does not want to hear about it. She

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2007
Sat, 06-14-2008 - 3:21pm

Honestly, I do think 19 is a self-absorbed age and will be difficult for your daughter to see the pain you are in. At the same time, do you really want her to know about it? It sounds like it is hard for her to be around you because you are so sad. I'm sure she has her own pain, and maybe she has not even dealt with her own. Now, at 19, before adulthood, if you ask me, you are asking her to handle your pain and hers. Have the two of you been to counseling together? That seems like it would be a great idea for the two of you to do together. Can you spend time with her without being sad or mentioning how bad things are or how terrible her father is? That's also a good place to start if you haven't already.

I will tell you that it took me two things for me to realize how badly my mom's divorce from my father affected her: 1) growing up and 2) not constantly hearing her tell me how bad he was to her. She still brings things up and I wish to God she did not. I think she fails to realize that I hurt too from the divorce. Send a little love to your daughter, try to oblige her in not continuing to dwell on the divorce and see if your relationship with her heals. I don't want the two of you to get to the point my mom and I almost did. I almost completely cut off ties with her because she was so negative I couldn't bear her hurt AND mine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2008
Sat, 06-14-2008 - 6:31pm

Because this is all so new to you it is hard to see or think

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2007
Sat, 06-14-2008 - 7:42pm

Hey there... I wanted to post because I can relate to your post from both sides--that of an adult child of divorce, as your daughter is, and as a spouse--though I wasn't married as long as you have been, I got divorced myself 4 years after my parents divorced (after 29 years of marriage).

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2008
Sat, 06-14-2008 - 11:47pm

I too have a 19 year old daughter and would have celebrated 25 years on my next anniversary.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2003
Sun, 06-15-2008 - 5:30pm
Thank you for your response.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2003
Sun, 06-15-2008 - 5:41pm
Thank you for your input, it was very helpful to me. Also,did
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2003
Sun, 06-15-2008 - 5:48pm
Thank you for taking
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2003
Sun, 06-15-2008 - 6:13pm
Thanks for your help. If I did not take it one day at a time, I could not make it. I am fortunate to still live in our room. My husband pays half of his salary to me. But
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2008
Sun, 06-15-2008 - 6:20pm

I am so glad that you have a Daisy Mae in your life too. I have been so surprised at how intuitive a dog can be and many times as I start feeling sorry for myself even before the tears begin she leaps onto my lap (all 90 lbs of her) and we both go head over heels as the chair tips backwards-how can you cry lying on your back with a dog licking you like crazy. At night she wants to lay across my chest as I settle down in bed with a book-trust me that doesn't work well if you intend to breathe as you read. She also loves to nestle against my back only she prefers to sleep with her tail in my face (I have to watch what she's had to eat because she can let em rip!) Many nights she has pushed me to the edge of the king sized bed so I have to get up and get in on the other side-sure can't interrupt her beauty sleep. While I was reading last night she began howling in her sleep and I got the giggles and couldn't stop then

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2007
Sun, 06-15-2008 - 9:39pm

You're welcome... when you're on the roller coaster of divorce it is really easy to think about today--mainly cause that's the day you're trying to make it through... I hope that you're doing as well as you can be all things considered and I hope that you know that we're here for you... Keep us posted...


*hugs*

 


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