What stage in the process are you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
What stage in the process are you?
5
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 1:32pm
We had discussed our situation at first 11 days ago and didn't talk about it again until 3 days ago. That was when I found out it is real. He said it's time for us to split us and well, you know the rest. So I'm really only 3 days into the whole let's discuss our divorce and all. It's killing me. In the grieving process I am at the anger part. I know it gets easier but how long does it take? My husband is being really good about all the questions I keep asking him and I know he will always be there for me. And I'm sure he will be getting back with his ex-fiance from 18 years ago. And I know now our whole marriage was a sham from the start. But it's killing me! I am getting 2-4 hours of sleep a night, I can't breath, I can't eat. Please tell me it get's easier. I'm going to start looking for a support group that I can attend and see if that helps. But right now I want to die. I have an appointment with the doctor next Tuesday to discuss this cause I don't think I can do it alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2007
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 1:40pm
I remember that part (twice, actually...) it's the absolute worst (obviously). And you're right, it does get better. How long it takes, I assume, is probably individual. Sounds like you're doing all the right things (looking for a support group...asap would be my advice...maybe a counselor as well? And seeing your doctor...maybe talk about an antidepressant, even if only temporarily. There's NO shame in it and it could really help.) I found that once I finally had the nerve to tell/talk to my close friends and family (which was also REALLY hard), the outpouring of love and support brought me to tears. Don't be afraid to "burden" those closest to you with this information, this type of stuff is exactly what they're there for, all you have to do is reach out to them. Hang in there (not meant condescendingly), it WILL get better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2007
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 1:42pm

I wish I could help. 12 days ago my wife told me she was having and affair and my world is still spinning. We were high schoool sweet hearts, dated 7 years and married for 14 and have 2 great boys (6 and 11).

The lawyers have been contacted and I'm waiting for the papers to be filed. I have offerd chances for reconciliation and proposed counseling and each time a get a quick no!

Everyone that knows us is shocked and most are concerned about her lack of thinking.

I have been to counseling to help learn how to help the boys with this so far, soon I'll have to go for my own reasons.'

My best advice is surround yourself with a large support group of friends and family, that is what has helped me the most. I am fortunate that all of our friends have come to my support and so far she only has her parents, which scares me that she won't get the help she also needs.

Hang in there but I can't tell you when it gets better, I'm still in a daze.

JDW

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 2:05pm

You are doing the right things!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 2:16pm
I found a group near where I work. Is it too soon to go if I'm not actually divorced yet?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 2:20pm
It's never too soon, I say go! It surely wouldn't hurt. :)