What is a typical visitation schedule??

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2006
What is a typical visitation schedule??
9
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 3:15pm

I'm trying to come up with a fair visitation proposal for H. I would like to make this an official agreement. However, while I'm trying to be liberal with him to make it more enticing (trying to avoid court), I don't want to short change myself.

Currently I have primary physical custody and he takes them every other weekend and a good chunk of the holiday vacations. I'm ok with this arrangement.

Is it normal to give him every other weekend and all holidays? I would like to at least split the Christmas holiday break. I'd like to also offer him two weeks vacation during the summer if he wants. Is this normal for mothers to not have their kids during most or even all holidays in a divorce situation?

Can anyone give me insight? Or am I giving too much? I don't want to keep them from him any more than I have to, but I don't want to give up my own rights either. This is so hard!!!

Thanks for any advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2001
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 4:19pm

"Typical" visitation is every other weekend (Friday evening until Sunday), every other holiday, a few weeks in the summer....most do every Wednesday (or similar) in addition to the above.

You can have it "visitation as agreed upon by both parties". If you and him can come up with a plan, and work well together, this works. Usually one parent gets the kids on Christmas eve, the other on Christmas day, etc.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 4:23pm

We are now trying to rebuild but this is what we agreed up as our final agreement 3 weeks ago. I felt it was fair for both of us and more importantly the kids.

Father - every wednesday 5-7PM - dinner to be complete during this time AND every Saturday 9AM until Sunday 9AM

Father - 2007 and every odd year: Spring Break, 4th of July, Memorial Day, Thanksgiving
Mother – 2007 and every odd year: MLK, Easter, Labor Day, Halloween
Father – 2008 and every odd year: MLK, Easter, Memorial Day, Halloween
Mother - 2008 and every odd year: Spring Break, 4th of July, Labor Day, Thanksgiving
(specific times are outline but I left them out here to keep it shorter)

Christmas - The Children shall spend from the beginning of the school winter holiday until 9AM on Christmas Day with the Mother. The children shall spend from 9AM Christmas Day until 6PM New Year’s Eve with the Father. The Children shall spend from 6PM New Year’s Eve until the end of the school winter holiday with the Mother. After the school winter holiday has ended the regular parenting time will resume.

All other holidays, such as President's Day, Veteran's Day, etc., shall be part of the regular parenting time set up by the parties.

Vacation - Every year, each parent shall be entitled to 4 weeks, or 28 days, of vacation, of which two weeks can be taken consecutively. The 4 weeks must be used in a calendar year and may not be carried over. (this was more for my benefit as we vacation a lot with my side of the family and to be fair the 4 weeks were offered to him but I knew he would never take/use all 4 weeks)

Hope this helps a little. I know our weekend visitation was not "traditional" but that is what worked for us with their father's work schedule. I also wanted them to see him every weekend since I knew an every other weekend would be too hard on them.

Melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2006
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 6:31pm

We have pretty libral visitation. I have primary phyiscal custody as well.

X is supposed to have DD every other weekend from Friday after school till Sunday early evening (He does not have adequate housing so it has not been working out that way - but that's another long story).

We split vacations as evenly as possible.

Summer schedule we will work out each summer depending on activities/vacations.

He also can pick her up from school during the week for extra time as his schedule permits (with approval from me - though I welcome extra time for them to be together).

We also agreed that if we had something come up during our scheduled time we would contact each other and offer extra time prior to setting up a baby-sitter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2007
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 9:40pm
When my children were young (8 and 11) and I was divorced, my ex and I worked out an arrangement that worked out great for both of us. We alternated our weekends, and we alternated our holidays (with the exception that I had them on Mother's Day, and he could always have them on Father's Day). We also split the summer. Of course it helped that we continued living in the same community, and tried to give the children as much flexibility as we could. Lastly I would offer this to you: it has been over 25 years since I was divorced...at no point did I ever badmouth my ex, or he me...and it has made a HUGE world of difference to our daughters (now 33 and 36). If you keep in mind to always make the best decision involving them in their best interest, you'll never go wrong :) Wishing you the best...I'm proof that it can be done! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 11:04pm

Hi there...


Our


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2007
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 9:23pm
i would say that you are giving too much in reguards to the holidays, with my x until 3 weeks ago he had them every other holiday when he was around which wasnt hardly that much. imo i think that the every holiday is too much, the every other weekend is what i used to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 10:09pm

Ours is pretty simple, but holidays haven't been worked out all that specifically, other than Christmas.

Ex has the kids every other weekend and, starting last week, Tuesdays as well.

Christmas isn't a problem because his family always does their thing on Christmas Eve, and we always did Christmas Day at home. We pretty much agree he'll have them the few days leading up to Christmas Eve and then bring them home that night. I have them Christmas Day and the few days following. The rest is played by ear.

I'm not too concerned about having a rigid schedule. We've both had times where we asked the other to switch visitation weekends. I tell him he can have the kids any evening during the week he wants other than Friday nights on their weekends at home.

It's understandable that you don't want a fight, but don't give up all of holidays. I'm not sure how reasonable your ex is, but see if you can compromise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 10:43pm

Hi!!!

I just re-joined iVillage tonight... I wasn't using it, because I was soo busy trying to make my marriage WORK!! (lol).

I saw your post... I don't know what's normal, I think it's on a personal basis... My husband is 'suppose' to have the kids every weekend (which hasn't worked)... we try to have the major holidays "together"...

My H is going through a LOT of issues right now, he drinks, he's abusive... and he's never been a 'fan' of our daughter (now 7) ... well... I wish it would be every other weekend...

So it depends... I'm happy to have my kids all the time ... I'm not interested in dating ... I KNOW my time will come that they don't want to be around me... my only marriage has provided me two wonderful children ... but NO happy memories...

Every other weekend? That's a big gap ... do you trust him with your children?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2007
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 9:38am
Well for myself and my ex we have every other weekend and we share christmas and on the odd number years she has them for the other holidays and myself the even number years but at the same time I find myselfwith more time to spend with our children than my ex does and that is only because ex dosnt really care when I have the children my DS lives with me and DD lives with ex so it seems to work out ok even though I would rather my DD live with me as well. I hope that every thing works out for the best.