What was your X;s/STBX's....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
What was your X;s/STBX's....
33
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 10:11am

major complaint or complaints about you? Before I moved out of the house, I asked my STBX what was so bad about me.....what should I have changed? His answer:


"You didn't go out with friends enough."


Oooo...that made my blood boil. No, I didn't have the social life of the century, like he did, but SOMEONE had to be home to raise our DS! I think it was just his way of projecting on to me that his going out 6/7 days a week was "ok." Wouldn't most men LIKE to have a committed wife who actually wanted to be home with their family?? I don't know too many men that would say, "Gee, I'd like it if my wife was out partying more!"


The other complaints were that I nagged too much, and of course, didn't want sex enough.


Just needed to vent this morning and see what anyone else had to say!




What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Avatar for mom2maggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 9:14am
My STBX said that I was "too controling" - translation, he didn't always get his own way and he blamed me for all of his unhappiness with his life. For our children's sake I hope he learns how to take charge of creating his own happiness and how to take responsibility for his own mistakes- but I won't hold my breath.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 10:25am

I too asked my ex what was so bad about me? It took a long time to get him to discuss some things. He had always said it wasnt anything about me. He finally did say that I nagged too much. What baffled me about him was he also said that I depended on him to make me happy. I shouldnt have depended on him or anyone to make me happy, I have to do it myself. WTF is what I thought at the time he said that. Later on I realized in part he was right. Utimately, NO ONE will do for YOU what you will do for yourself.

I also asked him why did he cheat on me. He said it was a huge mistake, he took a gamble and he lost big time.

I have learned a great deal from this break up and for that I am grateful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 10:40am

Well, my ex called me "frigid" both to my face before/after the divorce and embarrassingly enough to other people we know. My answer is "well, sex with a control-freak bully who has ridiculed me all evening, is not the least little bit appealing..."

Shut him up, for once.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 11:48am

Good for you!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 2:18pm

I hear ya ...

I got soooo tired of being blamed for his bad behavior. It was always my fault; he never did anything wrong. If I objected to something rude he did, I got attacked for being too sensitive. If I objected to being ridiculed, I got attacked for in his words, "not being able to take a joke".

I got away, now I'm gone and the girls are his scapegoats.

Yikes, talk about taking it to the next level. I hope they can take it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2006
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 12:22am

"You don't (do that) like my mother does it".

Well HELLO YOU DIDN'T MARRY YOUR MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!

I don't believe that men have no place in the kitchen, and yes, men can put laundry in the hamper and unroll their socks. I'm not a slave, and I don't care what his mother did, because I was someone totally different. But, I was never good enough for her either. She wanted me to become the daughter she never had, and expected me to cook exactly like her, decorate my home like her, and even dress like her.

I am so glad to be rid of both of them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 6:12am
My STBX also wanted me to go out more! But he just wanted me to have so much going on that I wouldn't have time to be mad when he goofed off. And yes, nagging was a complaint, as well as not wanting to entertain all the time, and not nearly enough sex! But it was hard for me to want sex with someone I didn't love any more and stayed mad at all the time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 12:33pm

My stbx had an affair... continues to say

 BabyFruit Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 1:12pm
I SWEAR, I could have posted the EXACT same thing! How do you have sex with someone who mistreats you and you're angry at them all the time?




What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 1:49pm

this couldnt have come at a better time! My divorce will be final soon and I am feeling sorry for myself. STBX and GF just bought a new house & moved in together..I was envying him starting over ..WAS..

this has made me re-think the reason we are no longer together...even though it wasn't initally my idea..it was a good idea!

his complaint about me was I didn't take care of him...I didn't make him feel good..WHAT!!
everything I did was for him & my kids!...I didnt support him...over the course of our marriage we went through 5 businesses...all failed...but I encouraged him for each new one..he was upset because I wouldn't leave my secure job to work with him (but I supported him leaving his government job..paid very well)..I wouldn't let him do what he wanted or when he wanted ...wah! wah! wah!...

The day that he left he said he wanted me/our marriage to be like it was when we were first married...well we now have 3 children and responsibilities..he didnt want to be responsible for anyone but himself..

Oh of course I was not sexy enough and there was definitely not enough sex! (but isn't that always the excuse..)

Interesting that since he has left I have lost 35lbs and can do whatever I want!

Annette