What we loved/what we didn't love....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
What we loved/what we didn't love....
23
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 2:41am

Sometimes, I feel very angry when I think about STBX. I decided to help me move past some of my anger toward him, I would think of two things I loved about him. THEN...I would think of two things I couldn't stand! For some strange reason, doing this had kind of help balance me....weird, I know.


I loved....


1. The fact he used to carry all the heavy items we bought from Costco into the house!


2. The way he could fix any mechanical/electrical item under the sun.


I DIDN'T love...


1. The fact that he never wanted to come home.


2. His excessive overspending.


Anyone else?




What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 9:53am

Okay this is good,

I Loved:

1. The way he gave a foot massage. OHHHHHHHH So Good (LOL)

2. Also that he was very handy around the house

I Didnt Love:

1. That he was a cheater

2. That he was and STILL is a viscous liar

Avatar for mom2maggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 9:54am

I loved. . .

that he used to make coffee every morning.

remembering the way I used to feel inside every time I just looked at him.

I didn't love. . .

the apron strings connecting our home to his mother.

his excessive credit card spending.

him becoming disinterested in sex (at least with me) as soon as I was pregnant with our first child.

him making me feel like I was crazy when I knew he was cheating and then lying to my face during marriage counseling.

him eventually shutting me out of his life because he knew that I wouldn't be ok with practically anything he was doing in it.

(Sorry, I just couldn't stop at only two things I didn't love)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 10:58am

I loved:

1. How he was so spontaneous and would suprise me with gifts or sweet little gestures.
2. How he was willing to do or go pretty much anywhere I wanted to go, and how he would pretend he was having fun.

I hated:
1. How he always made me feel inferior to him, like I was stupid and "below" him.
2. How he wasn't attracted to me at all, never made eye contact or complemented me.
3. How he always chose work over me & his daughter.
4. How he tried (and still tries) to make me feel like he's a better parent.
5. How he never wanted to talk about our problems or listen to me cry, and how he refused to ever have a deep, emotional conversation with me.

Sorry, I got carried away too.

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 11:15am

How sad is it that I could come up with two things that I loved about my stbx, but they aren't accurate of him anymore?

I loved:
1) His professional integrity. . .after having an affair in a war zone, he doesn't have anymore as far as I'm concerned.
2) His concern for our children. . .after the rest stop incident, he's lost that too.

I hate:
1) His excessive spending
2) His emotional baggage. . .I realize we all have some, but he doesn't have just baggage. . .he has a whole damn department store of Samsonite luggage in tow.

Maybe my situation is different. . .the man that was my husband left for Iraq in February 2005 and never came home. . his body did, but not the man I knew. I don't recognize my 'husband' in my ex anymore (which really made not wanting him back much easier) and some days I don't even like him much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 12:15pm

What I loved...

As someone else mentioned, the things I loved about him are no longer true, but anyways, in our ten years together...

1. I loved being able to be a SAHM, doing the soccer mom, brownie leader, playdate, storytime thing full time. (now I love being a professional, self-sufficient working single mommy.)

2. I loved his work commitment. This man worked HARD. Now, this is the same man that stole from his own company, was arrested by his business partner(s), and lost his own company, because he's a skum-of-the-earth crook. (Now, this loser is working in a factory making 12 bucks an hour, after being booted out of his 120K a year position).

What I hated... married? Hmmm, I hated his slobola habits. Leaving shoes in the doorway so no one else could get in by them. Leaving soda cans on the living room floor for our then-infant daughter to stick her fingers in, get cut, and spill on the carpet. I hated and still do hate his family. Every one of them.

Geesh, thanks for making me realize that even the GOOD things about this man were no where near as good as it's been being AWAY from him!

Love to all ya single momma's!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2005
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 12:44pm

Loved:

1. We liked a lot of the same things (music, movies, traveling etc.) and we always had a good time going out together. I miss having someone "built-in" to say, "Do you want to go out to eat tonight?" "Do you want to go to the movies tonight?" etc. etc.

2. His family was great! I especially liked my FIL, and he liked me. We would often have long conversations over the family dinner table. Plus his parents are both great cooks. I liked the rest of the family too. That's the saddest thing, that I hardly see them now.

Hated:

1. His sloppy personal habits. The constant burping and farting. Eating with his mouth open. Just making a lot of noise generally.

2. The lousy jobs he kept taking. At 40 years old, he made about $16K a year.

3. He didn't want to have sex with me. But he did it to himself all the time, and later with his internet girlfriends.

4. He was a coward. It took him *months* to say he wanted a divorce, but it didn't stop him from cheating on me. When there was anything disagreeable to be said, I would have to say it. Also all the lies -- I'd have to use more than my fingers and toes to count them!

See, I couldn't stop either, LOL!!!

Barb S.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2004
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 3:10pm

Great post! Here's mine:

I loved....

1. The fact he used would do his "honey do" list each week

2. The way he cooked. Everything was so yummy!

I DIDN'T love...

1. The fact that he never wanted to go out. Just sit home and watch movies.

2. His selfish/self centered behavior

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 3:36pm

I loved...

1-The way he would look at me sometimes; his eyes actually sparkled and people would comment on how much he loved me.

2-The fact that he grew to love my dog as much as I do.

3-His intelligence; he is a paper science engineer and just really smart.

4-How he was in a good mood ALL of the time.

I didn't love...

...the fact that unfortunately even though he is the model husband, I fell out of love with him. I divorced a man who treated me like a queen. And now today he said he is taking a job in another state and will be gone within two weeks. I guess the main thing I wonder is what's wrong with me. Love fzz

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2005
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 4:29pm

Loved:

1. His smile and his bright blue eyes... oh how he used to make me melt.
2. How'd he'd introduce me in a non-possessive way: he'd say "This is Ali, my wife" which he felt did not imply ownership... he would never say: "This is my wife Ali".
3. His hugs - he's 6'8" so they and he always made me feel safe and loved.

Dislike (present tense) (hate is to strong of a word)

1. How he went nearly a year being unhappy and never said anything to me and by then... it was to late to save us (according to him)... after 16+ years together i was tossed aside so he could "date and live on his own"... HA... he never even did that, moved in with his GF 4 months after we separated(although he denied that to my face!!)

2. In the last 3 years he put his career first... he was more concerned about how much we had coming in and what he could buy next...and not our relationship

3. He ALWAYS seemed to put me last... even his best friend came before me... and how he left me behind in this crappy little town we lived in together for nearly 11 years.... and now....

He's now living 4+ hours away and has "offically" moved in with his girlfriend... i stupidly waited for him to come back to me for a long time...(he almost did in December) but no more of that because 1) i told him goodbye for good in January and 2)in 4 months... i'm moving 1600 miles away from here... WOO HOO.... feels good to be free to move where i've always wanted to go!!

Ali

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 7:39pm

Loved:

He would cook dinner often.

He gave good hugs.

Hated:

The pornography - HA - goes without saying.

The inability to be emotionally intimate, respectful and honest.

The fact that I was expected to treat his family like gold while he treated my family like crap.

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