What would you do.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
What would you do.....
5
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 4:15pm

regarding the electronics that my ex is asking for. I have been so torn by this as you guys might know. The mediation went so badly and he's still griping over these things. Part of me says just give it to him and the other says to heck with him. He cheated, has been a nasty sob since then, is verbally and emotionally abusive tough. I've had to make adjustments, and so does he. But is that the "right" thing to do. I truly dont believe that me giving him the stuff will make him respect me as he should. B/c through it all up until the mediation session where he called me a b@#ch in front of her and said I had a low paying job and I had nothing when he met me etc. I always respected him b/c he was the father of my son and for as long as I just wanted the same in return, he wouldnt give me that.

A poster asked if I was keeping the stuff to try and provoke him and I was a little taken aback by it. He as a man is supposed to be the provider for his family. I contributed to that house as well. I wasnt the one who messed up so I feel I earned the stuff I have in the apartment.

He doesnt have no where near the expenses i have of raising our son, his c.s doesnt even cover half the expenses and I should in turn have to go out and buy over a tv, vcr, dvd and stereo because he feels he should have it b/c he paid for some of it and Im dating someone now. What about my contributions to the relationship? Not to mention he doesnt help me with the baby at all.

Please give some insight.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2005
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 4:23pm
deleted


Edited 11/14/2005 4:58 pm ET by lifeisgrand2005
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 4:30pm
We were not legally married, just living together. I just want to do the right thing. Under the circumstances is giving him the stuff the right thing. Then he will have and I will be without with no means anytime in the near future of replacing those things I give him. I could see if he didnt have anything since there are two of each. But he has those things already, why does he want two of each.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2005
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 4:46pm

Oh, I misunderstood, I thought you were married - I guess in that event, I would give the stuff back and get as much child support as is mandated by the state....

I'm sorry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 4:40pm

I tend to agree with you about how he can spare it, but you cannot. Besides, it has been my experience that with people like this... it doesn't matter what you do. There ALWAYS be something. If you give him back his second tv and his spare stereo, he will just find something else to start harping upon! You will have achieved nothing, except to make sure your son never has any music and cannot watch Barney.

But I am a stranger and cannot know all the details. This decision is yours. I trust you will do your best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Wed, 11-16-2005 - 1:48pm
Thank you very much for your opinion. I do agree with you that no matter what he would find something else to bug me for. It just shows how really unhappy he is. So many times Ive been nice to him and it was a slap in the face. I gotta be strong for me.