What would you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
What would you do?
6
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 11:45am

My husband and I had an rather large falling out earlier this week which ended up with him telling me to move my "s**t" into the spare room. Anyway to cut a long story short, when he got back from work and found I had actually done what he told me to do he wasn't very happy, that he didn't really want me to do it and he only said it because he was pissed off. He then said that if we did get divorced that he would close down the business we own and concentrate on another project he has been working on and that it wouldn't be making any money for a "long time". That felt like a threat to me. He also said that we probably wouldn't have enough money to pay our suppliers what we owe and that we would probably lose the house because of it. Ouch! I am now taking my time thinking about what to do next. I don't see much hope for us, but I don't want to end up with nothing. I'm so confused at the moment, I just don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 09-25-2005 - 11:22pm

Hummm..... Welcome to the board.


I think that if he's to the point where he's making threats like that.... from telling you to move your things to the spare room.... to closing the business and not paying the bills to lose the house..... he's past the point of being able to work on repairing the marriage..... without LOTS and LOTS of hard work and dedication.... and if he's that angry.... he doesn't have it in him.... and I wonder what ELSE is stressing him out so bad besides your marriage.


Then, don't forget that if he tanks his current business...... he'll have a very difficult time getting any new project off the ground because new projects require good credit to get them started.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 8:40am
My STBX threatens all the time to quit his job.
Sanguine
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 10:23am
Anne, I don't think he can close a jointly owned business by himself. In fact the divorce petition will probably include an orderto maintain the status quo. If he did carry out some sabotage like that, you could demonstrate to the court that he destroyed your financial state by himself and is responsible for the fallout. The courts are used to seeing parties dump their jobs, otherwise reduce income, and they don't favor that kind of behaviour. I really think he's blowing smoke.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 12:39pm

Make a record of all of your financial info as of today's date. Try to get a print-out
of all bank accounts, credit card balances, car finance statements, etc etc - Because if you do end up getting a divorce, depending on what state you live in, often the official "separation" date is the day on which you both realize the marriage cannot continue. The division of assets would be based on their value Today... not after he manages to drive the business into the ground, be it deliberate or not.

Even if you don't divorce, having a snapshot of your current financial status is useful, and probably something we should all do every now & then - gather in one place a record of all of your accounts, assets, liabilities, account numbers, etc - very useful in case of emergency. Make sure you store it somewhere VERY safe, away from the house, like a bank safe deposit box.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 1:10pm

Thank you all for your input and advice. I have for the last few months been collecting financial information, such as copies of tax returns, bank statements, IRA accounts etc also phone bills, but that's a whole nother story. I have also been keeping notes of his actions since around June until now. Can you believe he didn't turn up for our son's soccer game on Saturday, he spent the whole day with his new found buddies. That really ticked me off but it went down in my notes. I am keeping all this collected info at a friends house so there is no chance he will see it.

I can't believe it has come to this after 12 years together, but I can't let him walk all over me anymore.

Thanks again and keep posting me advice. I really appreciate it.

Anne

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 10:19pm

Just as I was going to write this post my DD came up to me and asked "Are you and Daddy going to get divorced?" Ouch. I asked why and she said because we weren't sleeping together anymore. I told her it was because Daddy snores and since I've been sleeping in the spare room I've really been sleeping well, which is another lie, because I keep waking up at around 4am every morning. I know I shouldn't lie to her, but it's too early to tell her the truth.

I have an appointment with my lawyer tomorrow morning and I need to figure out when to file the papers, if I file them tomorrow he will get served on Thursday before he goes away on his 3 week business/pleasure trip or I could wait until afterwards and that way I get to take the kids away on our trip, out of the country, but the only problem with that is that my DH will meet up with us a week into our trip and I don't know if I can deal with that because he will be around my family for a week and they don't really like him that much at the moment, because I have told them how he has been.

I am so confused. One minute I think before his trip just to get things started and then the other minute I think after our trips because I really need to be with my family at the moment.

I need to figure this out but it is doing my head in.

Help!!!!!!!!