What would you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
What would you do?
5
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 8:09am

Hello,
Read my previous post about seeing me husband today.Ok, here is my situation.My husband has no money because of me closing down our accounts and withdrawing all the money that was in there.He did finally open up an account and switch his direct deposit over but he won't get that money until the 1st.Now that he realizes that he was writing bad checks for an account that was closed the whole time he is probably going to have to use that whole paycheck to cover those checks along with all the fees.And in case anyone is wondering, yes I did warm him that I would close the accounts.Now all of his bills are overdue.I know he is just trying to get his life somewhat back together and with all checks, overdue car and student loan payments...he is never going to catch up.Plus, he has no money to eat.Ok, I know that he cheated on me and treated me like crap.But, I feel kinda bad that I basically took his last two paychecks.He has refused to accept money from me.But, I was thinking about paying his overdue car payment...just to kinda help him along since I just pocketed a whole lot of money.I dont have any debt or bills, almost 10,000 in the bank just sitting there, and all my housing costs are going to be paid for me by the Army when I go home.I know if I ask my friends or family they will blow up at me for even thinking this.So, I thought I would ask the opinions of people that aren't close to the situation.Thanks and I will listen to any advice given!!

Brooke

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 8:23am

Well, It would be easy to say NO WAY! BUT, I have been in your shoes and have given money, forgotten about past child support and believed everything he told me about not having enough money to eat etc.... I still helped.


I guess what I am saying is I know it is hard to be married to someone for so long, regardless of what they did to you, and not have a heart when it comes to their "hardships"... but you have to realize that the place they are in now was their own choice.


I later found out that he wasn't in such financial hardship. He could eat, he wasn't living in the car and he had a tart on the side paying all of his bills and buying him things like 4wheelers etc.... So, I guess you just have to weight the options. Remember he is in this spot because of his choices.


Hugs to you and good luck :)


Angelena

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 8:32am

By you posting this, I think you don't feel it is right for you to be in a good financial situation and keep his last two pays while he doesn't have enough money to pay his bills or eat. Your family and friends may feel like he deserves whatever he gets because they're angry with him for what he's done, but in my experience when someone has wronged you, it doesn't even the score to wrong that person in return. (I know some people use vengeance to get over their hurts, but for me, stooping below the level of how I normally act just makes me feel worse). It's not as if you're giving him your money, but giving him back some of his own money, which he really does need right now. Although he says he doesn't want money from you, you could offer it to him in the form of a refund of his last paycheque (or even go to the bank and get a money order so it's not as clear to him that it's coming from you). If he won't accept money directly, I think it would be a decent gesture to pay his car payment. If you treat him reasonably now, when it comes time to sign the final papers he may act reasonably in return and save you legal fees. As for your family and friends, if you feel this is the right thing to do and they won't agree, you don't have to share it with them.

-sang

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 11:21am
Two wrongs don't make a right. Be the adult in the situation, no matter what people think do what you want to do, and what you think is right. Hope that helps.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2005
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 11:34am
As tempting as it would be for most of us to just take everything to try to pay the ex's back....legally speaking, you can't do it. Half the money in those accounts belongs to your ex, the fact that he had an affair doesn't change that.
Chances are good that if you don't replace some of that money now, you will be forced to pay it back once a settlement is reached.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 11:52am

Thanks everyone for advice.I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea either.I didn't "take" the money from him.When I closed the accounts they had to send the money to the address listed which happened to be my permanent address in the states.I'm trying to offer him money, but he won't take it! I doubt I'll ever have to pay him half because he isn't going to fight this...he wants me to have the money.But, I think I'm going to try and find a way to pay his car payment...I owe him at least that.Thanks again.

Brooke