What would you do/ am I unreasonable???

Avatar for eatatmoms
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
What would you do/ am I unreasonable???
25
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 11:19am

Okay, so the kids are going to RI to stay with ex for a month starting 6/17. I am moving out of state the following day and will have our new home all set for them when they're done with their visit with dad. Ex works 3rd shift (3pm-11pm) and I e-mailed him asking who would be watching the kids at night (he'd already told me they'd be at the YMCA daycare during the day). This is a concern of mine because he's not the most responsible of parents (snort). I can honestly imagine him leaving them alone and that scares me. So he e-mails back that he's trying to get his hours switched to first shift, but if he can't he is planning on having his partner watch them in the evening because she (I'm assuming it's a she) will be home then. Uh, this is not okay with me. I have no idea who this person is and the children have never met her. I also didn't know that they were living together and I'm not very comfortable with that either. I am moving cross country to be closer to my BF, but we will not be living together because the children are not ready for that yet. I'm so afraid they'll be turned upside down with this entire situation, but I also don't want to be a real %*$&. I have to honestly say that I'm also seriously concerned about the mental state of anyone who would think that ex is a decent partner/live in boyfriend and that worries me even more. What if she's an alcoholic too? What if she's suicidal and depressed too? What if he met her on Adult Friend Finder (ick)? I have sole legal and physical custody and I know that I can pretty much do what I want in this situation, but I'm walking a fine line between what is good for my kids and what would hurt them. I do not want to pull the plug on this visit, but I will if I have to. I am trying so hard to do what is best for them. Any advice??? Am I being unreasonable?

Melanie

PS I told ex that I needed more information about the partner and have received no response - it's been three days. UGH!

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 5:26pm
Has he ever met E? Does he know ya'll are moving to Texas?
Avatar for eatatmoms
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 6:09pm

No he has never met Eric and yes he knows we are moving. He has no custodial rights so even if he disagreed, he has no say in the situation. It is completely up to me. Keep in mind that he chose to move out of state and has chosen to call the kids less than once a week (he averages about 3x a month now, but has gone as long as 8 weeks with no call) so I honestly don't care what his feelings are about my life. He has never taken the kids' feelings into consideration, even when he lived here and he never participated much in parenting them so I'm not very surprised that he hasn't thought about how this "surprise" will affect them. I am planning on telling them in the next day or so. I was going to do it tonight, but our little bunny died and the kids can only take so much. If they choose to forego the visit, I am going to allow them to choose that path, but I will be portraying the situation in a positive light like Karen suggested (thanks Karen!).

Melanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 6:55pm
:-)

Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 8:24am

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 9:45pm
Are there grandparents involved here at all? Could your kids call a grandparent for help in the event of problems? Are the ex's parents close to where he lives? If the kids need a third party's help at some time (while you are on the road/in the air during the move) do they have a call list of trusted family friends or relatives? Are the kids old enough to recognise a bad situation that means they can't wait til later and they MUST call in another adult? Prepare them for some problem solving... just in case.

Pages