What's This About?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
What's This About?
1
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 3:01pm

Okay...first of all...my ex is such a dead beat. He completely disappeared last weekend when he was supposed to get our dd for his vistation. Not only that, but he was supposed to watch her for me the Tuesday before that while I went to class, but was no where to be found.

Anyway...I called him today b/c I'm out of diapers and wipes and have no money to get them. I spent the last of my money paying our electric bill so the power wouldn't be turned off on us. He wanted to know why I didn't have any money to get the stuff and why should he have to pay for it. So I just explained that since the judge hasn't signed off on everything, including the c/s, that I'm having some troubles. I told him that the c/s was to provide for our dd and that he needed to step up and by a man and help out. He called his lawyer, who told him to go ahead and give me a little money. (I didn't ask for any c/s, I just asked him to buy some diapers and wipes for dd.)

Then he told me he was moving. He's going to move in 5 months when dd turns 2. He'll be about two and a half hours away. (He's met someone and wants to move in with her...good for him, at least he'll be out of my hair.) Anyway...he says that he's taking me back to court to get the custody changed. I don't understand that and he wouldn't explain. I guess it's b/c he'll be so far away and will have to drive back and forth to get the baby. I figure it won't pan out anyway, especially considering that he's having virtually nothing to do with her now. I told him that there was no need to go back to court since we have joint custody. I will work with his schedule, etc., but he refuses to listen b/c he says that he is still angry with me about the whole divorce thing.

I don't harbor any hatred for my ex. Having hate in your heart only makes your life miserable. So I told him that...if he hated me, then fine, it would only hurt him in the long run. I was only concerned with our dd and her safety and them having some kind of relationship since he's never around to see her.

So what's the deal with the new court thing he wants to do? This is kind of worrying me now. Anyone else gone through this type of thing? Anyone else's ex moved away and then in turn, have to send your child(ren) hours away for visits? Hopefully in the long run everything will be okay....just stressing a little now.

Thanks,
Kait

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 3:13pm

I think going back to court is a good idea - for you. It will give you both the opportunity to establish (in writing and in the court record) who will be responsible for transportion and when and for how long the visits will occur. Also, if he has less time with dd since he'll be so far away, that will mean the child support will go up (unless it's a straight percentage of his pay, but most states take both incomes and the amount of parenting time into consideration, less parenting time for a NCP means more child support).

Usually when one parent moves away, the NCP ends up with three day weekends, alternate holidays and more visitation time in the summer, but going to back to court will give you the chance to have your say in the new schedule.

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