What's the deal with judges and holidays
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| Tue, 02-07-2006 - 3:20pm |
In trying to cover all ends for court on Thursday and alot of research Ive done what's the deal with the holidays. Alot of the literature seems to indicate that the holidays have to be alternated. Is this really the case.
For example for me there are a handful of holidays that are very important: X-mas, Easter, July 4th and such. Ofcourse my ex is saying that Ive had the baby for all of the holidays in the past and he wants him for the them this year which is a lie. Xmas 2005 he didnt see him because he didnt ask.
Im not saying I dont want him to have him at all for the holidays but for the ones that are "equally important" (he's just doing this to try to upset me) Im willing to share the day. In all of the literature Ive come across I havent seen that example. For those of you who have been through the custody/visitation through the courts have you seen sharing the holidays as an option.

We alternate some and we split some. We live close enough that we could split every holiday, but I would rather give up some each year than only have half a day and not really get to relax and completely enjoy the day. I realize it's not always realistic, but ideally you and STBX would be able to work something out so that it wouldn't be up to the judge to decide.
Edited 2/7/2006 4:33 pm ET by mom2maggie
Okay, I see. That is some good news. Im in Brooklyn, his "dad" lives in Queens. He used to drive but messed around and now cant afford his truck anymore so he claims he's selling it. It must be true b/c the last time he came to pick him up he took the bus and train.
But he's already saying why should HE have to be the one to do all the traveling and put out the expense of picking up the baby and bringing him home. Why cant I, I deliver the baby to him some times or pick the baby up from him some times.
The nerve of him to even suggest that after he doesnt lift a finger to do anything for him. No dr's visits, meetings with the school NOTHING. I have to do it all by myself. What about my expenses.
Thursday is gonna be something else.
This is how our holiday schedule works. Memorial Day is mom, Labor Day is dad. They switch Halloween and Easter each year, so one year we have the boys for Halloween, next year for Easter.
Thanksgiving is negotiated each year a little differently, this year for instance BM wanted to go to her in laws which is over an hour away so we jsut got the boys at 5pm and had them the rest of the weekend. Christmas is set in that one year one parent will get them for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, they then go to the other parent at 12p. It changes the next year, so they always see both parents on Christmas day.
It takes compromise and keeping in mind that your child is very, very young there is plenty of time to create your own traditions. Dad should have the same opportunity to create family traditions as well.
If 4th of July is important to you then offer him Labor Day in exchange. If you 2 can't decide then the judge will do it and you may really be unhappy with the schedule he picks.
It truly depends on what you and your stbx want... yes, there is a standard holiday visitation... where some are given to one parent or the other and other holidays are alternated... but in my xh's case he declined his official rights to any holidays, except for Father's Day which is written into our settlement agreement...
However, it is written in a manner that advises that I will work with xh so that he can see our son for a "reasonable" amount of time during the holiday...
As far as pick ups and drop offs are concerned... you raise some valid points... pick up and drop off should be spelt out in your settlement agreement... it is common for one parent to pick up and the other drop off or one to do both... just get it spelled out now, as it can save you a lot of headaches in the future... my xh agreed that he would pick up and drop off our son for all visitations...
I probably have one extreme, but this is how our settlement agreement was written, because my xh didn't want to be involved... our son is still very involved with my xil's though and we spend at least a portion of every holiday with them...
Good Luck...
Julie
Ours is written in that we alternate holidays.... BUT..... I also try to implement "extended holidays", too.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Sorry, this may be a little late for today but some parenting plans address transportation costs and can even define who picks up/drops off if you need that level of detail. Ours doesn't since we live in walking distance of one another, but your agreement could define how much transportation you will each be responsible for.