What's a half parent to do?
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What's a half parent to do?
| Sat, 05-26-2007 - 6:12am |
I feel like this divorce is cheating my kids out of their childhoods. They are being left without time to just be kids. What's a half parent to do about that? How do I make sure my kids have enough time with me and enough time with their friends? How do you raise a child you only see half the time? Are you raising a child you only see half the time?
I've always worked and that cuts into parenting time but not like this. If STBX has his way, we'll be dividing in half the time we have left after we've worked. Cam you really raise children successfully this way?

I'm raising my son a little more than half the time. Am I doing a decent job? I hope so, but I don't know!
My son is 12 and has been doing well with this custody arrangement for about two years. I work from home - Saturday and Sunday from 8am-8pm and Monday overnight. I have DS every day after school until 6pm, then Wednesday through Friday night and every fourth weekend. I basically felt I had to accept this custody arrangement because I did not have 10k to fight the arrangement in court.
I would say DS is happy and well-adjusted now. I have a lot of time off during the week, so I know my situation is different. It allows me to spend time with him on school holidays, during the summer, I can be home when he is sick, etc. If I worked standard hours in an office, this arrangement wouldn't be so great.
In the end, DS plays with kids in the neighborhood occasionally. We just moved here last year and he goes to school in a different town, so he doesn't know a ton of kids here yet. Also, I encourage him to have friends over here so we can do things together, too. But often, they kick me out of the room ;)
Honestly, I would say this arrangement has been much more difficult on me than on DS. His dad was absent for so many years, he just loves having this time and attention from him now. I just try to make the most of the time we have together. I try to remain flexible and understanding. It's hard to accept the fact this is the arrangement but I have had to, because there really is no other choice at this point.
I can only pray I can make this statement in two years.
"Honestly, I would say this arrangement has been much more difficult on me than on DS. His dad was absent for so many years, he just loves having this time and attention from him now."
STBX has been an absentee parent living under the same roof as the girls for 10 years preferring to drink and play on the comptuter to interacting with them. While I'm glad he's making an effort now, I can't help but think it's just window dressing for the court to see and as soon as the divorce is final, he'll be back to his old ways.
It is a tragedy for the kids and for the parent(s) who care about the kids.
I think of you and "What" and me and of course others. Spouses fail to be the spouses, parents, and homeowners they should be in order to be true to their vows and the commitments they made to spouse and kids and then either they leave (my situation) or the other person leaves (your situation)in order to survive and to take care of the children.
In the end, it is the children who suffer the most, because the adult(s) couldn't be adults and take responsibility.
Our situation doesn't involve alcohol and I don't think I will end up on welfare, but the loss to my children is still dramatic and tragic to me -- they will go from middle class to working poor -- all the simple "indulgences" that I dream of making for a happy childhood will probably have to be sacrificed. Their days will be filled with more "no"s than "yes"es.
Case in point, today we were at the community pool -- got to paddle around, play, see school friends, sign up for swim team --- the carefree days of summer at the pool ... with mommy around. Soon, mommy will be at work, so no more summer weekdays at the pool, no more relaxed summer schedule, huge loss of quantity time with mom. Instead, possibly no pool membership at all (won't be able to afford it) and being wharehoused in group mob care for hours and hours on end ALL summer long, followed by formulaic, regimented schooling and yet more mob-care after-school come the Fall!!!
Seems petty when there are women forced into extreme poverty by divorce, but in the end -- it is a HUGE loss to children at every level of their existence. The children pay so some adult can indulge their weaknesses and immaturity and fail to keep their commitment to their family.
Ok, my replies (vents) are all beginning to sound the same, but it is my kids I am dying for ... I just want to preserve their innocence, their childhood, their gradual entry into the world ... but nevermind, my stbx needs to take care of HIMSELF above all others, even his 5 and 6 year old daughters.
So, I feel your pain!
M