What's left of my heart was ripped out..

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
What's left of my heart was ripped out..
4
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 9:02am

Well, he's gone! And as much as I thought I would be celebrating, things took a toll for the worse last night.

Me and the kids spent the day at my cousin's graduation party, which was very nice! The weather cooperated and my DD spent the day in the pool!

So, we leave around dinner time and on the way home, we pass STBX going to his father's (same town) with the mattresses and other things in the back of his truck. My DD just said, "there goes Dad".

Well, we got home and she called him. She was on the phone with him for quite some time, asking him when she'll see him next, it won't be the same, etc., and she was crying!

So, she got off the phone, I asked her if she was okay and she said, "yeah", I'm just tired. I've learned to leave her alone when she says those things.

So, I did some picking up around the house, the usual stuff.

Then I hadn't seen her in a bit so I went down to her room, figuring she had gone to sleep. She wasn't in there so I figured she was down stairs with DS and his friend. I got to put my pajamas on in my bedroom (STBX took a lot of his stuff, including the boxspring/matress and just left the frame).

There's my DD, sleeping on the floor with her pillow and blanket, inside the bed frame, on STBX's side....on the floor, in the dustbunnies from under the bed!

What was left of my heart was ripped out right there! How could it come to this? How to STBX and that stupid "you know what" OW do this to us? To my DD? And I'm the one left to be strong and pick up the pieces of the mess they've caused us? UGH! This is just so WRONG and it makes me just want to CHOKE STBX and that dumb &##%*#@*$!!!!!!!!!!

Never once did they stop to think about the pain they would cause to those kids. NOT ONCE! I just don't understand how life can be so cruel! UGH!

Thanks for listening! I have to work today but have tomorrow off. My aunt is coming up to help me paint my bedroom.

I hope you are all enjoying the long weekend if you have one!

AND HOW IRONIC IS THIS, WE'RE PAINTING MY BEDROOM ON INDEPENDENCE DAY!
Hugs,
Jennifer

Jennifer

Proud Mom of Travis (15) and Mandi (10)

and our pets, Sully the Dog and Till

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 11:32am

I am so sorry for you and your children. It is always the children that get hurt the most IMHO, especially when there is OW. My ex was SOOOO busy being her best friend and good guy that he was emotionally absent during the kids worst times. They are so busy being happy that we are left with the rest.

The only good news is that you and the kids are dealing with it NOW and 2 years from now you will be lightyears ahead of your stbx. By the time the fun is over with the OW, you and the kids will have moved past the hurt and anger and he will be stuck with it, at that point you can be as emotionally vacant for him as he is to you right now. But, the kids will always feel "bad", "sorry" for dad...but more becuase they will be afraid to lose anymore of him than they have. You will be their strength and you will hear some very hurtful things about this being your fault. But that is because they KNOW you will not leave them or love thim less. I choose this over anything they feel for their dad.

I am sending many hugs to you and your babies today...no matter how old they are still our babies. I used the hurt my ex caused my children to strengthen my resolve to NEVER allow him to do this again to us. 13 months later when he finally was starting to realize the cost, I was able to say "I am sorry" but no, we are not ever going to be a family again. The cost of being with him was too great for my children, out of love and respect for them I had to move us forward. Had it not been for them, I probably would have fallen into the I still love him game and allowed him to hurt me for a long time.

Kelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 3:29pm

m2i2004

My heart goes out to you. This is tough to say the least I was you at one time with a daughter who shared many nights on a blow up mattress with me because her father thought his new younger gal was so worth breaking up what we had. What ever that was, obviously nothing to him but my whole world to me. I was sad that one person could go on living his life with someone else as if not one day was different from the next. He was out sleeping with that person in our bed while I was sharing an air mattress with my daughter and eating pot pies with rice and mac & Cheese. Well that was well over 8 years ago and my daughter is now in her twenties and is planning a wedding. I bring this up because my daughter is one of the strongest yet most sensitive people I know. She knows what it's like to have one day and not the next but one thing she always says is things came and gone in our home daily, weekly, monthly as he remembered what he left he would come and take it to his new so called home. She said the one thing he could never take was our love for one another as a mother and daughter. We struggled but managed and now life is good for me and great for her. She finished school went right into college and will get her bachelors this fall right after she gets married in a couple of months. Guess who is walking her down the isle? ME why because she said I was her rock throught the tough time we had and never once did I say I couldn't do it. I always said WE will do it WE will make it and we have. I now have a condo on my own she just bought a home with her fiance and I look back at the person that once was my husband and he has aged and drinks daily and is in way over his head in debt because he didn't realize when he married her he also married her debt to the IRS and who is miserable now? Him Oh he has come on bend and knee to ask for forgiveness and I have said YES I will forgive you for what you have done to ME but you must alway ask for it from our daughter also. I told him I forgive you but I will never forget the ainguish you put me through for what? So you can be unhappy with someone you can't even stand? Karma is a bi#@& and believe me he will get his. I am a strong independent woman who doesn't need that kind of nonsense in my life so I moved on and reallized that life goes on as each minute the clock ticks away is another victory we have won because we are healing. Good luck to you pain is fresh but it doesn't last forever.
All the luck to your family and you. Have fun painting, Paint it PINK if you like its your room!

Linda

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 3:46pm

Oh Jennifer I am so sorry. I cannot even imagine what that did to you to see your DD laying there in the space where her dad used to lay. To say it is cruel of them to do this to you and your kids is an understatement. I think men and the women they hook up with hurting the family are down right evil and selfish. They only care about themselves. They don't care who they hurt even if the people they care are their flesh and blood. I say I hope they are on top of Karma's list because they deserve to be there.

You can't understand who they can do this and not think twice of the pain they are causing because you have a heart that they don't. You care about your kids and their well-being. It is unfair having to pick up after their mess. I think all of us going through a separation or divorce see no fairness in anything because we are left in the dust hurting like we never have in our lives.

My hope and prayer for all of us in this nightmare is that we survive through it and live much better lives than what we have before. I pray that all this pain and suffering will someday end to be happiness and peace.

My heart goes out to you and your kids. They are bless to have you as their mother because despite having a heartless and cold father, they have a loving and caring mother.

May we all survive this nightmare and find happiness on the flip side.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 4:42pm
Linda, I am so encouraged by your post. Congrats to you and your daughter!!!