When can a child decide?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2005
When can a child decide?
7
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 6:53pm
Does anyone know at what age a child can decide whether they want to go visit their father for the weekend or not. My DD is almost 12 and has been having a really rough time with her dad and at times doesn't want to go, or calls me when she is there to tell me she wants to come home..but he won't let her. He is verbally abusive and she just wants out and not have to put up with it, can't blame her...that's why i left. We are in the middle of a custody battle so I don't want to appear as if i'm withholding them, of course, that's how he sees it and would gladly paint that picture. So at what age can they decide for themselves and at what point to have to stop making her go? Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 8:47pm
You really should pose those questions to your attorney, especially in light of the fact that you have an on-going custody battle. It is better to be safe than sorry.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 11:10pm

Does your daughter have a court appointed guardian ad litem or court appointed attorney?

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 8:51pm

It defintely depends on the state, what the judges are like where you are, and the case. Defintely ask your attorney.

For us, the kids were allowed to say that they wanted to not visit from the beginning due to the unusual circumstances in our case. However, they had to tell xh themselves that they weren't coming.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 11:40pm

I know that several states allow the child to decide around age 12. The Judge will bring the child into his chambers and talk to the child outside the presence of the parents and attorneys. The judge will make the decision based on how he feel about that.

But, in any event, you should tell your attorney about this and see if there is anything he can do about getting something done about it. I know that you hate sending her to the visits when she doesn't want to go, but unfortunately, in order for you to give the appearance that you are not withholding her from the parent, she's the one who has to suffer. It pretty much sucks, but because of an immature Father, she will have to go through this, and so will you.

Good luck and we are keeping our fingers crossed for you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2006
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 10:23pm
I am a mother of a 13 year old. her father is wanting more time with her. I hope she has the guts to talk to the judge and tell him she doesn't want to go. I don't know if that will change
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2006
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 10:25pm
I feel your pain. My daughter is 13 and we are getting ready to go to court over that too
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 3:25am
Talk to your attorneys. Many courts will have the child talk with the attorneys and judge present, no parents, as long as the child is a minor.

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