When did you get past the anger??

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
When did you get past the anger??
29
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 6:17am

I am reading a book called "Live, Laugh, Love Again" about recovering from divorce. It is ok. They talk about the phases of grief etc. and the parallels to divorce.

Here's the thing: I am still in the really angry/hurt stage (with a little denial still hanging around and alot of anticipatory grief for the impact on my 4 yo and 6 yo).

When did you get past the anger?

My timeline: Oct. 15 I mentioned counseling; he mentioned divorce; Dec. 11 in counseling he said he wanted to call it quits. He's been saying he wants to move out Feb. 1, Feb 15 ... the child psych and I convinced to wait til after my 4 yo's 5th bday in mid-March, especially since we have just begun mediation and won't have financials worked out yet.

So, I am still really angry. But, I am supposed to treat him with courtesy and respect. He has been hiding things and lying (I still don't know if there is an ow, but I do know there is some dicey stuff going on)-- and I am supposed to face this with a smile and negotiate "in good faith" when he isn't being honest? Ieeeee!

When/how did you get over it?

Thanks!

M

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 11:54am

Yes, and amen! I agree. There were good times. I have no desire to take down the wedding picture. I want my kids to see that Daddy and I once smiled at each other and celebrated; I want them to have hope that marriage can be a good thing and last. I will try to share my experience with them when they are MUCH older so they can feel they can trust in a marriage some day.

I am going to try to turn their thoughts to all that is good in their lives. Sadly, my older dd, like me, is by nature a glass half-empty person, so it will be a huge struggle. Right now she talks constantly about marrying this little boy in her class. Guess she will stop thinking about that once the s hits the fan.

I would love to get this over -- the telling the girls -- so I can start helping them heal. Every day I see these happy, whole, growing, thriving, innocent children who are about to have their trust shattered. It kills me. I guess I will have to go through the pain with them and rebuild for a while before I get past the fear and anger.

In the meantime I keep planning for the rebuilding, putting the foundations in place as best I can. Oh thank goodness for good friends and neighbors who help!!

And for good folk here on the board!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 12:01pm

Oh and yet you stick your tongue out at me in another thread about the very same thing!!!!!

*mock anger*

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 2:32pm

Yup!... and now you're rubbing it in ;-)


Now I have my thumbs in my ears wiggling my fingers at ya....


Can you clone your guy for me?

Karen ~ wildlucky4me


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 3:41pm

I'll get to work on that in the lab tomorrow! I'm between projects, anyway. *note to self.... clone sweetie for Karen*

Actually, he has THREE brothers.... one's single! But there's no way he's going to leave Chicago since he's in the family business.

I think every woman should look for a lover within her circle of make friends, no matter how good a friend he is. It might turn into something!

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 6:10pm

well, you know my good friend.... Mr. Wildlucky4me??????


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 6:16am
Karen!! Now THAT is a perfect idea!! All we have to do is find one good man and clone him.
well we should have started that a few years ago so they would be old enough lol
but wouldnt that be great? Should have cloned a man who was warm, affectionate, sexy,
caring, giving, understanding. well thats a few of the things I would want to put in for.
oh and rich hey why not? Rich men need love too LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 8:54am

Dolly, I'm on it! I've already got it going in the lab..... I'm cloning my sweetie, who is warm, affectionate, sexy, caring, giving, understanding, AND has a great sense of humor.

I'll make a few copies so you all can have one.... but in the meantime, just keep your friendships up with your male friends. 10 years ago when I met this man, I never DREAMED of a relationship with him, and it took a few years after my divorce to start looking at him in that different special light.

*running back to the lab to work on the clones*

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2007
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 2:17pm

Oh how this hits home. i have cried everyday for the past week and i feel like I am in a deep hole. I just found out about the ow and it has brought all the emotions back to the top again. We have been going through this off and on for 3 years why should I be suprised but i still felt blind-sided by it. My kids are adjusting well because thank God I have a good family support system. I am still so in love with him and I would stay with him til the day I die Ow or not but he has made the choice for me. I am going to be ok as soon as I can get past the anger but when I dont know

Mommyhmh

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 8:18am

Sending you LOTS of hugs. The pain is really huge. May I recommend "DivorceCare" They are in the web. They have lots of local support groups through churches. I just signed up for their daily email of encouragement. Helps to hear someone else put the pain into words and acknowledge it is really real!

I haven't gotten into a local DivorceCare group yet; two start soon, but my kids don't know yet and I want them to do the kids sessions so I may wait til Fall.

Something to think about.

I know it hurts and you are ANGRY ... my heart goes out to you and I commend you for your courage!

M

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