When did you get past the anger??
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| Tue, 01-30-2007 - 6:17am |
I am reading a book called "Live, Laugh, Love Again" about recovering from divorce. It is ok. They talk about the phases of grief etc. and the parallels to divorce.
Here's the thing: I am still in the really angry/hurt stage (with a little denial still hanging around and alot of anticipatory grief for the impact on my 4 yo and 6 yo).
When did you get past the anger?
My timeline: Oct. 15 I mentioned counseling; he mentioned divorce; Dec. 11 in counseling he said he wanted to call it quits. He's been saying he wants to move out Feb. 1, Feb 15 ... the child psych and I convinced to wait til after my 4 yo's 5th bday in mid-March, especially since we have just begun mediation and won't have financials worked out yet.
So, I am still really angry. But, I am supposed to treat him with courtesy and respect. He has been hiding things and lying (I still don't know if there is an ow, but I do know there is some dicey stuff going on)-- and I am supposed to face this with a smile and negotiate "in good faith" when he isn't being honest? Ieeeee!
When/how did you get over it?
Thanks!
M

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Yes, and amen! I agree. There were good times. I have no desire to take down the wedding picture. I want my kids to see that Daddy and I once smiled at each other and celebrated; I want them to have hope that marriage can be a good thing and last. I will try to share my experience with them when they are MUCH older so they can feel they can trust in a marriage some day.
I am going to try to turn their thoughts to all that is good in their lives. Sadly, my older dd, like me, is by nature a glass half-empty person, so it will be a huge struggle. Right now she talks constantly about marrying this little boy in her class. Guess she will stop thinking about that once the s hits the fan.
I would love to get this over -- the telling the girls -- so I can start helping them heal. Every day I see these happy, whole, growing, thriving, innocent children who are about to have their trust shattered. It kills me. I guess I will have to go through the pain with them and rebuild for a while before I get past the fear and anger.
In the meantime I keep planning for the rebuilding, putting the foundations in place as best I can. Oh thank goodness for good friends and neighbors who help!!
And for good folk here on the board!
M
Oh and yet you stick your tongue out at me in another thread about the very same thing!!!!!
*mock anger*
~calla~ mom to rosie and gracie
Yup!... and now you're rubbing it in ;-)
Now I have my thumbs in my ears wiggling my fingers at ya....
Can you clone your guy for me?
Karen ~ wildlucky4me
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I'll get to work on that in the lab tomorrow! I'm between projects, anyway. *note to self.... clone sweetie for Karen*
Actually, he has THREE brothers.... one's single! But there's no way he's going to leave Chicago since he's in the family business.
I think every woman should look for a lover within her circle of make friends, no matter how good a friend he is. It might turn into something!
~calla~ mom to rosie and gracie
well, you know my good friend.... Mr. Wildlucky4me??????
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
well we should have started that a few years ago so they would be old enough lol
but wouldnt that be great? Should have cloned a man who was warm, affectionate, sexy,
caring, giving, understanding. well thats a few of the things I would want to put in for.
oh and rich hey why not? Rich men need love too LOL
Dolly, I'm on it! I've already got it going in the lab..... I'm cloning my sweetie, who is warm, affectionate, sexy, caring, giving, understanding, AND has a great sense of humor.
I'll make a few copies so you all can have one.... but in the meantime, just keep your friendships up with your male friends. 10 years ago when I met this man, I never DREAMED of a relationship with him, and it took a few years after my divorce to start looking at him in that different special light.
*running back to the lab to work on the clones*
~calla~ mom to rosie and gracie
Oh how this hits home. i have cried everyday for the past week and i feel like I am in a deep hole. I just found out about the ow and it has brought all the emotions back to the top again. We have been going through this off and on for 3 years why should I be suprised but i still felt blind-sided by it. My kids are adjusting well because thank God I have a good family support system. I am still so in love with him and I would stay with him til the day I die Ow or not but he has made the choice for me. I am going to be ok as soon as I can get past the anger but when I dont know
Mommyhmh
Sending you LOTS of hugs. The pain is really huge. May I recommend "DivorceCare" They are in the web. They have lots of local support groups through churches. I just signed up for their daily email of encouragement. Helps to hear someone else put the pain into words and acknowledge it is really real!
I haven't gotten into a local DivorceCare group yet; two start soon, but my kids don't know yet and I want them to do the kids sessions so I may wait til Fall.
Something to think about.
I know it hurts and you are ANGRY ... my heart goes out to you and I commend you for your courage!
M
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