When do you stop wanting to go back

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
When do you stop wanting to go back
5
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 11:26pm

I am so torn. I know that my marriage is over but sometimes I want my stbx back so much. A little background on my situation, I have been married almost 13 years, I have 3 beautiful children. I am in the process of getting a divorce and selling our house. I never wanted this divorce but we have both done some things that we cant take back. So I have accepted that we are not good for each other and we will be better parents apart.

So what I want to know is when will I not want him back. I know deep down that I cant go back their has been so much bad between us. I will love him forever but when will my heart begin to heal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2007
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 12:41am
If you don't want to make the pain go on longer than it has to, do not have sex with him. I did that and it makes you wanting more. At the end is over and it leaves you feeling empty. After some time you don't want him anymore. Keep busy with friends, join a club or a new hobby. I am going through the same now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2007
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 10:05am

Dear Shop.

I understand your situation. It sounds as if you have not totally made your mind up yet. i have worked with many couples in you situation and have had many go back after all the bad. Saying never is a big thing. Question does he still want you back or has he come to the same conclusion as you. Marriage and the problems that go along with it is a partnership between two people. one piece of advice keep all outside judges or players out of your decision process.These people no matter how much they care for you as a friend or a relative can sometimes cloud the issues and make it harder on you. If you make a decision to stay or go based on what others might think or how they may act toward you. you may make a decision that you may regret later and not be able to go back on. good luck! and keep posting you have friends here that understand and can help.

Mender

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 11:00am

Everytime I think I have made my mind up I start to doubt myself. He does want to try again but I am not sure I want to. Everytime I think I am ready to file and move on then I get sentimental and miss him. We did have good times and 3 beautiful children together but how do I move past all the hurt?

Thank you so much for your advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2007
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 11:20am

Shop,

You sound really confused and understand you have right to be. Hurt will fade in time sometimes people say and do things out of anger,revenge,or even meanness. but remember that forgivness is alway an option. have you sought counseling together? if you have any doubt. i don't know your status if you are on talking terms i hope for the childerns sake you talk to him and maybe a recociliation can be made. You said you have been with him thirteen years thats a long time. so i am sure that the time is also a factor in your decision making. i must advise that if a reconciliation is a factor that you both agree on terms of the process for your and you childrens relationship health. do not be unreasonable as this could hinder the process if you find at points where you or he is starting to be unreasonable stop the process and work through that part first and then continue. that way both of you find a common goal and achieve it together. good luck in your journey.

Mender

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 11:43pm
Mender, You say you have had many couples go back after all the bad. How do I get him to come home? I love, need, and miss him more and more everyday. He has been gone over two years now. My family says move on. Simply put I don't want to. I want my life back. I know what mistakes I made and am working on fixing me. Is this what I am supposed to be doing in the meantime? How do I get him to look at me as a beautiful woman and not the monster I feel he sees? I have forgiven his affair. I even accept that it was half my fault. I am dying without him. Everyday a little more of me is gone. I am afraid in a few years there will be nothing left. He has a GF right now. I am sure she is a great gal, but how do I get her to not love the man that I know is so easy to love? If you've got any advice for me I'd love to hear it.
Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda