When is he going to give up

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
When is he going to give up
6
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 12:01pm

You know my ex goes from one thing to another. He's supposed to get the baby tomorrow and now he is starting in on the electronics he wants from the house. Basically the entertainment items in my bedroom and the big stereo from the l.v. I mean he's supposedly moving from his g.m. house into his own place or room or whatever and a year and a half later he now wants these items. So I should have to replace these things after he ruined our family. Am I being unfair if I dont give them to him? I dont see why I should have to give up these items myself and my son have been used to all this time. I think he's moving in with the gf and I should give up my stuff for them to watch.

He's got a little beligerent just now was yelling, saying I still have a hold on him, why dont I let him go and give him what he wants.

What should I do. I have no way of buying that stuff back anytime soon. Tells me to do without until I can replace it. He had to do without until he could replace it. Why does he keep agravating me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 1:15pm

He might never stop attempting to aggravate you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 1:48pm
Hugs, luv. I think your ex is still trying to manipulate you to get what he wants. Be nice, act sweet and huggy when he sees you to butter you up and ask you for favours, and then he starts trying to intimidate you when the Mr. Nice Guy routine doesn't give him the results he wants. What was your understanding about the electronics when he moved out - that you would get to keep them or that he would be getting them later? Or was there no discussion about them until now? Have you looked into whether he has a legal right to try to claim them 1 1/2 years later or would they be considered to be abandoned by him - it's not like you're a storage facility. Whether he gets the electronics or not he's going to continue to try to play head games with you because that's his M.O. He seems to like to bring turmoil to your life. But you don't have to play the game - you can keep conversations strictly to the wheres and whens of his visitations and leave all other issues to be decided in the courts if you want. And until you've settled the electronics issue, I'd do visitation exchanges outside your home - if he's in dropping off your son and decides he's going to take his belongings that could be an ugly scene you don't need.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 4:58pm

I cant take it anymore. Im just gonna give him a tv, vcr and dvd and one of the stereos.

Im SICK OF THIS CRAP. My God whats wrong with him. I always have to be the bigger person! Lord in heaven. He was begging me for the stuff saying he doesnt want to hate me but if I dont give him these few things he wants its not right. Saying he put all the furniture in the apt this is the least I can do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Sat, 10-15-2005 - 5:37pm

Sweetie, I would say that it is abandonded by him and that if he wants it he needs to take you to court to get it. I mean, he's had a year and a half to reclaim these things, what right does he have to them now? They aren't 'his' things anymore. As far as him harassing you about it when he calls, ugh...what an infant! No wonder your DS remember him after several months, he can relate on an intellectual level! LOL When he calls about seeing DS and he asks about 'his stuff' just say,"I see you're done talking about DS, so, I'll talk to you later" and hang up the phone.


I can understand why you want to just cave on this and let him have it, I'm sure this is stressful. I would just be afraid that this is going to send him the message that he can continue to walk all over you like he always has.


Hey, if nothing else, go ahead and give it back to him. However, perhaps DS, being the toddler he is, oh, I don't know, put a full jar of peanut butter in the VCR

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 10-15-2005 - 5:41pm

Giving him back to him rewards his annoying, pestering, irrational behavior.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Sat, 10-15-2005 - 7:19pm
ITA with Firstamendment on this. He is like a toddler. If you give into a tantrum then they will just get worse. I was watching Dr. Phil b/c there was a parenting thing on and he made an excellent point. He said that the last behavior that occurs before the payoff is the one that will be reinforced. So, if you are considering giving it back to him wait until he can act like a grown up and treat you with respect. It's a lot like my 3yo and 2yo, if they are screaming and crying about not getting a toy or something and they are wanting me to hold them I tell them very firmly that I will not tolerate this behavior and when they have decided that they are done screaming to come see me and I will hold them. Then I leave the room. If they follow me around then I get my MP3 player, put on my headphones and ignore them. Once I leave the room or ignore them they straighten up pretty quickly b/c they realize that they aren't going to get any reaction from me if they are throwing a fit. Same goes for your ex. As long as he's getting a reaction from you, he's going to continue to push your buttons. I let my ex do this for quite a while and then finally figured this out. Now, he knows that there's no point. He still tries occasionally and when I won't bite, he just gets ticked and leaves me alone.
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