when he threatens suicide?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2007
when he threatens suicide?
4
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 12:47am

I am sorry to post such a downer for an intro, but I guess no intro I could make on this board would be a good one!

I am the mom of three young children, ages 4, 2 and 6 months. May 27 will be out 8-year anniversary. We've been together since 1997. We've never had that "joyful" wonderful marriage. He says I pushed him into getting married and that he never really wanted to. I agree with that, although I didn't do it intentionally. Anyways, there are a lot of fundamental problems that I know will not get better. period. I am working on getting the courage to file. I have all the arrangements in place aside from actually visiting with an attorney.

I am trying to talk him into a separation, because I do care about him and also he scares me as an enemy! He said today that he would kill himself if we separated. He is 33, but can't cook or do laundry. He has no idea how to take care of himself. He says he would never want to move back in with his folks, and couldn't afford to live on his own (or so he thinks).

He has talked about killing himself throughout our marriage. He then always says later he was doing it to get attention. I have tried to encourage medication and counseling. He tried three or four different meds, and went to a psychiatrist. Nothing seems to help him, but then again he isn't trying very hard. I know that what he is saying is a form of manipulation and control over me, but I also truly believe he is capable of it.

So what the hell am I supposed to do? I would never forgive myself if he went through with it. And my kids wouldn't have a dad. He is not physically abusive and I am pretty confident he has never cheated. But the relationship is toxic and he doesn't have anything to do with our kids unless I make him. I am basically a single mother with a roommate. We have not slept in the bedroom together regularly since my pregnancy with baby #2. We have been intimate three times since December 2006 and one of those resulted in baby #3. So, its been over a long time, but he doesn't want to do anything about it. WE work together and are a great team at work... but just can't translate it at home.

Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated. It has helped me a lot to lurk and read others' stories. Thank you so much!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 11:01am

It's hard to tell if someone who is threatening suicide is just being manipulative or really means it, so tell him that if he does it again, you will take it seriously and call 911 so they can take him for a psych evaluation and maybe admit him to a psych hospital.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 12:35pm

Hi there purplexedmom,


I normally don't respond as vigorously, but in this case, I feel very strongly about your situation.


What you husband is doing is truly emotional abuse - to you and the kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2008
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 2:03pm

Hey, I can relate from a past experience.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2008
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 8:49pm

I don't know what I would personally do in this situation and to be honest I'm glad I havn't had to deal with this.

KLM