When it's over, it's over!
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When it's over, it's over!
| Mon, 07-16-2007 - 9:36am |
Yesterday, my butthead husband said some things that were terrible. He said things like how he is sick of me complaining about my health and that it’s all in my head. (When I gave birth to our last child they didn’t place the bed right and so being numb I fell which gave me three bulging discs.) He also said that with him making 85,000 dollars he shouldn’t have to be paying all of the bills. That I should be working full time, staying home with our son and taking care of the house all on my own. He then said that he is just so sick of me that he can’t stand it. There are no winners in this divorce. I told him that I was going to move to be near my parents due to me moving to where I am now for him. That I need my family and with me not having any friends here I need the support. He really got upset with me and said that I’m taking the children away from him. Talk about wanting your cake and eating it too!

I am so sorry you're going thru this. I too spent weeks, perhaps months, crying over the horrible things my H of 31+ years said to me for about a year. I was fat, stupid, ugly, spent too much time taking care of other people and going to church. I had "taken care" of his disabled *** for 26 years. I moved out about a year ago, and it was the hardest thing I ever did. It took me months to realize I am not the one with the problems. Being a caregiver and going to church every Sunday does not make me a bad person. I have a college degree after going back for 2 years in my 30's, so I'm not stupid either. I have worked in offices for over 25 years, and always paid all the bills. I have found that I eat much healthier without him stressing me out...hence I'm losing weight and feel better than I have in years. I have figured out a lot of things in the last year besides all this.
I have codependency issues that I'm working thru. I also have people who care about me, not what I can give them. The nights of bawling will get better, and the days of constantly thinking of him will get fewer. As you go thru this mourning phase - and it is mourning the loss of your relationship - don't try to bottle up those feelings. It will only make you sick. I was sick for several weeks after I moved out - couldn't eat or sleep, had muscles cramps, anxiety attacks...the whole show. I finally realized not only did he rip my heart out, he was literally killing me. I refuse to give him the satisfaction of dying of a broken heart. And my heart literally hurt!!
Now, after a year, I miss the man he WAS - not the man he is now. I am keeping contact with him to a minimum (no kids at home), and refuse to listen when he starts on a tantrum. He has issues he needs to deal with. I am only responsible for me. I cannot "fix" him, or make him be happy. I have not filed for divorce yet, but am finally at peace with the idea. God wants us to live in harmony. If an unbeliever wants to end the marriage we are to let them go. That is not a question, it is a command.
I feel like after a year, I have tried everything I know to do to save this marriage. H doesn't think he needs to change anything. He doesn't have a GF, but does have dependency issues that I refuse to tolerate any more.
Honey, let him go. I know it's very difficult. There are people who love you just the way you are - God created you to be a unique person - God doesn't make mistakes. It took this marriage to get you where you are today, and to get where you will be a year from now. I prayed a lot, and the tone of my prayers has changed over the past year. Now I am more thankful, and trust God to get me thru this. HE knows what HE is doing, I just have to be still enough to listen, and willing to do HIS will.
Hang in there, cry it out, and pray for guidance. God will take care of you.
Hugs & Prayers,
T