when should i meet STBX GF ...
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| Thu, 03-08-2007 - 11:20am |
it's been nearly a year since i found out about STBX & his GF, and now that twin DSs are primarily living with STBX, and KNOWING that they've spent and are spending a lot of time with their father's GF, i still cannot bring myself to meeting *her*.
and i know that i must because this woman is spending time with MY children & will probably be in their lives on a full-time basis very soon, after our divorce is final in about 2 weeks.
but each time i think she's going to be at one of our sons' sporting events, i get sick to my stomach, and each time i think i can be civil toward her, the tapes in my head begin to play over and over again about how she's going to replace me in spending significant time with my sons, helping with homework, having dinner with them, etc., the intense anger builds up & it scares me how i think i would react to meeting her!! especially considering that she had NO problem sticking with STBX when he abandoned his sons last summer for 3 months & being with a married man in general. i have lost considerable respect for STBX and no respect for her, based on her actions and supporting the poor actions of a man who is still technically married!
don't know what to do. STBX has instructed sons to NOT speak about her, so they don't talk much about her; some things just "slip" from their mouths and when it does, the other DS will nudge the other as to "you let the secret out" and i hate that, too. how he has such control over them!
ah, i'm having such a horrible day, please help / advise ...

as for her being there full time, wait that out. Ive seen the other person not be able to handle the others kids. they take time from them, we cant be like we used to etc.. My ex husbands wife of 11 years still causes trouble when it is time for our son to go visit. you would think after all this time she would be ok with it, but she gets jealous of the time he spends with another womans kid, even though she is the step-mom.
many hugzzz to you and keep your chin up, this too shall pass and with each day, it will get easier.
I don't think you HAVE to meet her, and in fact I don't think you have any reason for!!! what are you going to do, swap cooking recipes?
What you need to make sure, is that the children feel free with you. Tell them that it doesn't matter what they say in front of you, that you are cool, and don't prod them to talk about the GF. Tell them you know it has been forbidden, and that you really would not want them to disobey their father... (I don't think that the father is being fair, but whatever...). It must be very hard that they are spending so much time with the GF - believe me, I'd hate that!!!! but if it must be born, think of it the least possible, refrain from entering in a competition "she did this, so I want to do that too...". The children love you no matter what, so keep your cool, and you'll see that they will come back running to you. As they grow, they will question, understand, and possibly not quite like what they see: you will be the one out of the picture, the safe haven. Plan to be that, to be a good ear for their "little" pains, listen and ask about their lives and what they do every day... as for her, hold off meeting her up to when you can do it serenely.