When should you date and have sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
When should you date and have sex?
3
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 4:04pm
I will be divorced soon. I had been married for 13 years. I have twin sons that are 12. They want me to date right away. Is there a proper time of how long to wait to date or to have sex after a divorce? I know that sounds stupid question. I am ready to find some happiness. My life has been filled with sadness for far to long (majority of 13 years) I have a friend that has said that when things get final to let him know but I am a little leary about trusting another man. If i could this is one that I might be able to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 8:34pm

Hi Twin,


Welcome to Surviving Divorce.


My two cents? DON'T rush into another relationship right away. Take the time you need to heal from your divorce, and, more importantly, GET TO KNOW YOURSELF as an individual.


It's only natural to feel wanted and to seek affirmation in a new romance. After all, divorce is a terrible rejection. It's also natural for those who love you and know you to want you to find a new relationship. But, I caution you, very often it's your friends and loved ones who are uncomfortable with your singleness, not you.


The silver lining inside of divorce is a special gift: a second chance to make your life whatever you want it to be. Savor this time to be "you" and only you. Spend time with your children. Make new friends. Explore a new interest or take an old one off the shelf.


You have plenty of time to renew romance in your life. Make sure you've grieved your divorce, healed and had some time to develop yourself as an individual before you jump back into the dating game. You'll be better prepared to date, you'll know more about what you want in a new relationship, and you'll be better equipped to spot a loser. As for your friend who says give you a call when its final. I suggest he's looking for sex not a relationship. A lot of men will seek you out like a shark smells blood in the water. Give it time. Let him wait.


Good luck and let us know how you are doing.


Peace,


CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 10:23pm

Thank you so much for your advice. It is funny that you say that about men. I work at a bowling alley and all of a sudden men are coming up to me more than normal. I didn't know why but what you say makes sense.

As far as finding myself. The past year I have been doing just that. We have shared an apartment with our kids together but I have decided to screw what I am allowed to do and start doing what I want to do. He is a dictator and controlled all that the kids and I were allowed to do and made us feel guilty if we did anything we wanted to do. This past year the kids and I have started hiking, biking, and just being goofy. It has really pissed him off and his anger has gotten worse towards us. I am dressing how I want and talking to who I want and just enjoying myself. I feel guilty sometimes about how much happier I am when he is not around. My kids even notice that the three of us are happier when he is not around. He works third shift so there wont be the part of getting used to sleeping in the same bed. We have not had sex in a year so there is nothing there to feel change about.

I do agree about taking time to grieve. He has made me feel guilty for all the problems. I know I created some of them but not all of them. He never has accepted any blame. I have to learn I am not to fault for everything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 10:56am

Wow!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~