When to tell the kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2006
When to tell the kids
4
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 7:21pm

My STBX & I filed the divorce papers 3 months ago. There will be no reconciliation (my choice not that it matters). We split the recent holidays - him Thanksgiving and Christmas, me Christmas Eve and New Years. However, we are still living in the same house. I'm not sure when he will get out because of the legal wrangling. The kids (ages 6, 9, 11) haven't been told yet but I believe suspect something is up (mommy & daddy haven't slept together for 6 months). Also, in attempt to give my STBX alone time with the kids because he works long hours, I absent myself from the home every Sunday (yup we lie to the kids about where I go).

I'm ready to tell the children. He wants to wait until about a week or two before he moves out.

What does everyone think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2006
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 7:40pm
Your children already know. By not being honest with them, you are allowing their thoughts to run wild - they will likely blame themselves for the tension in your home and will imagine much worse goings-on than what is reality. Tell them.....soon.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2006
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 7:47pm

Thanks for the support Bam.

That was my instinct too. I'm just allowing myself to be bullied and this is one time I have to be strong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 8:58pm
sounds to me like the writing is on the wall & they are old enough to read it...i don't think it's going to be a big shocker...if you tell them now, it might prepare them a little better, but then again it just might make it harder & more confusing...guess you could think of it like Santa - kids get to a certain age & they know there is no Santa, but they play along in hopes they will continue to get the gifts...letting them live in fairytale land until right before you truly split probably won't do them any harm...reality will be forced down there throats soon enough...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2007
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 8:16am

My only concern is that you don't know when he's moving out. The kids will be in constant torture wondering when that day will come. I think that they will be in agony. So, not that I agree that you should wait, but you and your STBX need to figure out when he's leaving and then tell them together. I do think that those 2 events should happen closely together though.

Good luck and I understand that not all of this is in your control... Let us know how it goes.

S