When will it end...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2014
When will it end...
Tue, 01-28-2014 - 12:41pm

My husband and I have been divorced for about one month.  I've been out of the house for 8 months.  My ex-husband is an alcoholic and we could no longer live the way we were.  I was the one to leave, so in his eyes, everything is my fault.  He spread lies about me to family and friends so that he would look like the victim.  I have taken the high road and have not told my side of the story to anyone besides my best friend.  It's been difficult, but over time, people are beginning to see him for what he is. 

I talk to my ex routinely because we have two children together.  I think that he is a good person...deep down inside.  He was my best friend for over 20 years and  I do miss things about him, but I also know that I made the right choice to end the marriage.  However, he can't move one.  Every time we talk, he tells me how much he loves me and that he will do whatever it takes to get me back.  I tell him that it's not going to happen, I try to end the conversation, but he doesn't quit!   He cries constantly and I know this affects the time he spends with our children.  What can I do?  I care about this man and I don't want to see him hurting, but I can't continue to go on this way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 01-28-2014 - 2:25pm

Not much you can do. He needs to come to accept that you and him are no longer, nor will you ever be together again. Until he accepts that there is nothing you can do, except maybe suggest counseling to him. Good Luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Mon, 02-10-2014 - 11:09am

My concern would be for the kids. How old are they?  As he's an alcoholic and stays in this kind of emotional state, IMO they shouldn't be with him unsupervised, regardless of their ages.  He needs to get into a program or rehab but that has to be his decision. He's not your responsibility.  Its up to him to get help. His alcoholism caused your marriage to fall apart and he can't accept the fact that its his fault. He blames you and plays the victim.

It will end when he gets help and accepts the consequences to his actions. While that may never happen, you have to protect your kids and yourself.  Have as little contact with him as possible.  The only thing you and he have to discuss is matters relating to the kids but it really doesn't sound like he is in any condition to make any good  decisions regarding them either. If you are discussing anything with him about the kids, stick to that topic only.  If he starts wanting to talk about anything else, stop him right there. Tell him you will only discuss the kids and nothing else. If he persists, hang up, show him the door, or walk away and be consistant with these actions. Refuse to engage in any conversation that doesn't relate to the kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2014
Sun, 03-16-2014 - 12:02am

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