When your highschool sweetheart leaves

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
When your highschool sweetheart leaves
7
Sat, 11-10-2007 - 4:39pm
How do you survive when you high school sweetheart leaves you after 23 years of marriage?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
Sat, 11-10-2007 - 6:22pm

That is sad and it will probably take a long time to get passed. But the hurt will pass eventually. You start over slowly. Therapy is always a good option. You have to focus on you and all of your wonderful qualities. You're not a high school girl anymore. You're a strong and capable woman! You're going to discover a whole new side of yourself. Try to focus on the excitement of a new beginning. I know you're not ready to hear that yet but you have a lot to look forward to.


Focus on the future because you can't control the past.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Sat, 11-10-2007 - 6:53pm

Thanks for the message.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2007
Sun, 11-11-2007 - 12:46pm
Though I can't say I completely understand how you are feeling since I don't have any kids and have been married for only 3 1/2 years (together for 10), my high school sweetheart told me 2 weeks ago that he wants a divorce as well. I am so sorry for your pain. Devastation doesn't even begin to describe the feelings. My husband has been going through depression for months, which he just started treating this past week through therapy and anti-depressants (I had been trying for months to get him to go) I too am terrified that we will divorce only to have him come crawling back saying it was a big mistake. I have already made very clear to him that I would not take him back. That there will be no contact afterwards, and that we will not remain friends. It would be impossible to take back someone who has betrayed me so badly regardless of how much I love him. I can not allow him the opportunity to hurt me anymore. You should not let your husband do the same to you if it should come up. It hurts bad. And I know you have much more invested than I do and that you do have to remain "friends" because of your children. But you can still hold him accountable for his decision and actions. You need to respect yourself first, you are a worthy person.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Sun, 11-11-2007 - 2:26pm
Thanks for you reply.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2007
Mon, 11-12-2007 - 9:56am

My high school sweetheart left me after 26 years of marriage and 3 kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2007
Mon, 11-12-2007 - 11:12am
I don't know if you and your husband have talked about this, but have you given any thought to selling your home? Moving yourself and the kids out so that you don't have to be living in a house which is filled with memories of your lives together? That house is going to serve as a painful and constant reminder of what happened. You can't move on and redefine yourself when your surroundings/memories are all based on the past. I know it seems that it will be impossible to move on regardless of where your living, but think about it. Don't let money, fear, or even your kids keep you from doing whatever it takes to keep you moving forward with your life. You will be a much better mother to those children if you take care of your needs first; it's okay to do that every now and then. As for being strong for your kids, crying is not a sign of weakness. It's a sign that you are sad. Even young kids understand what it means to be sad. The best thing you can do for them right now is reassure them that they, and you are going to be okay, even if at this point you don't feel it. Tell them many times that none of this is their fault and that they did nothing wrong. Remind them (and yourself) that it's okay to be scared but you and their dad will take care of them. Tell them that you love them. Counseling, as you mentioned before would also benefit them greatly, as would just sitting down with them individually to talk about their feelings and concerns so you get an idea of what each of them specifically needs. YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE IT TROUGH THIS. Don't let your husband be the only one who ends up happy. It doesn't need to be that way, and it's not selfish to think that way. Find yourself a hobby or two to help relieve some stress. I always wanted to learn to knit or start doing some photography. I just starting knitting last week. Take some type of community class with your kids? Find something new and exciting for you and your boys to show that some good can come of this. Maybe the three of you can take turns rotating weeks, one of you picks something to do on a designated "activity night". Roller blading, movies, sporting events, arcade, boardgames, cards, bowling, video games, mini golf, science museum. And most importantly, don't be ashamed or to proud to ask for help or accept it. You can't expect to get through this alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Mon, 11-12-2007 - 11:24am
thanks for the encouraging words.