where does it ends....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
where does it ends....
4
Sat, 06-18-2005 - 6:08pm

I am now separated - divorced I consider - since 3 years, and in intentions and hopes for longer than that. XH is now living with our dd babysitter. good for him. And I live across the world, on a different continent, a new life, a career - a fast paced life that leaves little time.

I notice that I have so little time for social relations that I cut them completely out. There are no friends in my life, no boyfriends of course, and I am developing more and more a nasty approach to avoid being "put up". I always loved having big parties, people around - and here I am, finding an imposition, feeling used rather than feeling the joy and pleasure of it.

I am afraid of becoming an old hermit...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2003
Sat, 06-18-2005 - 10:21pm
You'll be fine. I think you're just adjusting to a new pattern of life... you'll find what you're comfortable with and go with it eventually... for now, be patient and let life happen. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 10:18am

It is so scary when things change suddenly, Isn't it?


We all go through this. Heck, I hibernated for months and involved myself only in XH and OW. I even befriended OW for a short time. I thought it would help get him back...lol.


Anyway, it's the fear of change that makes us feel this way. We get so used to doing the same thing and living the same life that once one little thing changes... we freak.


You have to give yourself time. In my case I left all of my friends behind in my marriage. After he left I started dialing the phone and looking for the friends I once had. They all accepted me back with open arms. After that I slowly got my self esteem back and even started dating :) Just give yourself time. It is so hard, if you ever need an ear, we are all here :)


Hugs,


Angelena

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 1:55pm

Thank you, Angelena... I really try hard to believe this, and most days I manage. Since 3 years I built a new life, a good life, a new home, and a new enviroment. What worries me is that I am becoming more and more of a loner, really appreciating my time alone and yet yearning for something different.
and, when on occasion I am out and about with friends, I can't wait to get back to my safe hideaway nest, my balcony, my flowers, my books...

*sigh*. perhaps that's good... anybody has the address of an hermitage in the Himalayas???

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2005
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 9:02am

Hi

It sounds like you have been doing a terrific job of rebuilding your life-kudos! I think it is a good thing that your new home is so comfy, and that it's your safe haven. Since you are beginning to feel like a loner, maybe that's a sign that it's time for you to mix things up a bit. I don't mean anything drastic, just try small things at first. It could also be that you're just not ready to date, and that's totally fine too! Have a good week.