where is the justice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2007
where is the justice?
4
Sat, 06-16-2007 - 8:29pm

I know that I am not the only divorced mom in this situation - what do you do when your child is emotionally suffering and no one will help you? My ex decided he wanted out of the marriage when our daughter was 16 months old - it was too much responsibility and interferring with his lifestyle. We separated and he filed for divorce. He estranged himself from her, again because it interferred with his lifestyle. Now that she is toilet trained, funny, cute and smart he came back. He is a stranger to her. She is traumatized at the fact of having to sleep over. She is in therapy for over a year, I have been to the courts to get a temporary order - it is now one year in the court system and no help.

What are we to do? Is there anyone in the same situation as me? I need advice, I am starting to lose my mind that the court system does not work for the children. He has his rights and he is exercising them, no matter who it hurts.

I would really like to hear back from anyone in this situation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Sat, 06-16-2007 - 9:32pm
You didn't say how old your daughter is now. But can I say something? My Dad left when I was about the same age. At 12 yrs. old I found out who he was. I tried to make contact with him. but it didn't work. When I was 24 he died. I have wondered all my life what I did to make him hate me so much. I am 55 yrs. old. The pain of NOT having a father never goes away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 4:47pm

Maybe.... family counseling would help.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2007
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 5:10pm

Thanks for the advice. If it were only as simple. She has seen him behave in such a bad manner (cursing, pushing me, stomping on our garden), no child should witness this. I had suggested counseling from the beginning and he objected. The sad part is that since in the divorce he has overnight visitation there is not much I can do. I tried to get a temporary order to delay the overnights until he is a more permenant fixture and the courts have been dragging their feet for 12 months now. He does not care about her fears or anxieties, and that does hurt me.

What I have been learning from this experience is that the men have the rights and the women have the responsibility. We get to raise them, teach them, groom them... and the dad's get to come and go. It really is a sad situation for children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 5:22pm

Maybe you could just write him a simple note...


"I'd like to help (daughter) feel less anxious about the time she transitions between us.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~