Which one were you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Which one were you?
15
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 12:54pm

Were you the leav-er or the left?

I ask because sometimes as I'm reading the board, I find it hard to want to be sympathetic to some of the posters stories because it sounds like some things my stbx may be saying/thinking about our relationship.

It seems as I am in the midst of all of this, right in the middle of getting seperated and trying to accept that soon I will be divorced, and I find myself having a hard time hearing the stories of those who are the leav-ers. Yeah, that may be wrong on my part or make me a bad supporter, but those are my feelings. Anyone else ever feel this way when reading the boards? Even IRL, I have a friend that is unhappy and comtiplated an affair and leaving her husband and I still have a hard time supporting her, because I sympathize more with her husband being the left, than her being the leaver. Makes no sense at all huh? lol

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 1:32pm

I was the leaver.

I left my husband with his girlfriend.

Until this day, he still think it was my fault. The idiot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 2:36pm

<<"my belief that many think that marriage is just a temporary thing you can get out of if you aren't "happy", I also find it very difficult to listen to ppl listing their essentially petty gripes and "reasons" for wanting to leave a spouse.">>

Who ever said this hit the nail on the head. That is where I am too. My husband is leaving because he just "wants to" Nothing too serious or nothing that couldn't have potentially been worked out. He just doesn't "want to" Blah what a freakin kid I have.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 5:00pm
I was the one who said that about ppl using petty gripes as reasons. I forgot to add ppl using SELFISH wants as "reasons", too. My EX said he wanted to leave me b/c he wanted something for HIM. In his case, I later found out that what he MEANT was BDSM sex with the OW. He even admitted that he was being selfish, and that although he knew leaving me would hurt his kids (yet again--they're his from his FIRST marriage), this was really something he felt he HAD to do. In order to avoid hijacking this post, I won't get into just how much the kids have suffered b/c of this selfish man's decisions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 10:04pm

Oh you aren't hijacking the post. Yours was the post I was following up on and so was Busterbutterfly ... it's the Xs who leave for selfish/shallow reasons with no regard to the consequences for their children that make me so upset. I include my stbx in that category. My stbx's problem is that he doesn't want to be responsible to anyone but himself and he isn't capable of that even.

Please, tell me about your children ... I am so worried about mine (5 and 6 yos).

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 11:49pm

I think that's the beauty of a forum like this.... you can see how we're alike... and different.


I mean, every situation has it's own things that make it what it is.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

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