Who here has shared custody?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
Who here has shared custody?
23
Sat, 05-28-2005 - 1:59pm
Does anyone have 50/50 shared custody and how is it working out for the child? What difficulties or benefits have you run into?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 4:36pm
I am separated. We are switching off every other week, on Mondays one of us takes the boys to daycare, the other picks up. We have had this arrangement since last August. Seems to be working, but I have concerns.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 11:45pm

We have 50/50 custody (I use that term loosely). The last couple nights I've gotten out of work early and ended up with them because he's basically lazy. I've been wanting more time with them anyway and his laziness is my gain.

I work 7 a - 7 p three days per week and he's supposed to have them on those evenings and every other weekend. He picks the youngest up from day care and lets our 12 and 11 year old run around town unsupervised all evening and they usually end up home with me. Then he has the nerve to give me a hard time about taking them on the occassional weekend I have to work. He wouldn't trade this weekend so my mom is taking them, but yet he wants to trade for Father's Day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2005
Thu, 06-02-2005 - 6:04am

The first is based on income, where both parents incomes are taken into account, as well as how much parenting time each parent has.
The other way cs is calculated in some states is 20% of the NCP's income

Does anyone know how NJ is calculated?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 06-02-2005 - 7:00pm
NJ is based on income.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 06-02-2005 - 7:10pm

Here is a good link for NJ child support information: http://www.njchildsupport.org/CSS_cat3.html

Copied from the "Establishing the Order for Child Support" section:

"The guidelines are based on an income-share formula in which the incomes of both parents are considered. The guidelines also take expenses into account, such as child care, medical insurance, and any factor the court deems best for the child.

"Of course, it is much easier if both parents agree to the amount that is based on the guidelines. This is called a consent support agreement and it will be signed by a judge.

"If either parent does not agree on an amount of support payments, you will have to go to court. The court will review the facts of the case and issue an order. This order includes the amount to be paid, the way it will be paid and any medical support to be paid. This is done in the Family Part of New Jersey Superior Court, often called Family Court, at your county courthouse.

"You can obtain a copy of the New Jersey Child Support Guidelines from www.judiciary.state.nj.us/csguide/index.htm"

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2005
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 10:35pm
i just read your story and i applaud you for that, i just had
a few question on how the child support goes,
do either of you pay support to each other?
i am in this same situation now, just started out actually...
i wont be able to pay the mortgage and utility bill with out
at least 1200 per month, and then what about him do i pay him support.
or is an even wash...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 11:06am

I do pay my ex child support, because I make more money than he does. If you need $1,200 per month to cover your expenses, can he afford to pay you that? He has to provide a home for the children too. Your state will have a calculation for the support amount, and if it's not $1,200 then you may need to consider moving to a smaller home you can afford. My ex and I could not afford to keep our home and support another household, so we had to sell our home and both move into apartments. I do hope to buy a home again next summer, a small one, maybe a townhome. I could have forced him to have every other weekend visitation and then he would have had to pay me child support and maybe I could have kept the house, but not being with her dad 1/2 the time and crippling him financially was not in my dd's best interests.

Some parents with 50/50 custody do not pay support to each other, but I this usually happens when their incomes are about the same or when both parties agree. I wish my ex would agree to no child support. Just let me cover all dd's expenses and leave it at that. I already pay her daycare, almost all her clothes, more than half of her extra curricular activities, doctor and dentist co-pays, prescriptions, etc. The daycare alone is $945 per month, I feel like that plus covering her other expenses should be enough.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2005
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 11:22am

In Alberta, and most of Canada, if there is shared custody there is still CS. ( a fact lost on my ex !! )
If you share anywhere from 40/60 to 50/50 they will take the mother's base amount ( what I would have to pay him if he had full custody ) and the father's base amount...all from the federal guidelines. They then split the difference and the parent that makes more has to supply the other parent with that difference.

Ex: Father makes $50,000 a year and there are three children
Base amount = $900 monthly

Mother makes $10,000 a year
Base amount - $150 monthly

The father would have to pay $750 a month to the mother, even if he has the children 50% of the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 11:31am
That is how it works in the US if you live in a state that would take a set percentage of the non custodial parents income for child support. They would take his % and her % and net the two just as you described. If you live in a state that computes child support using an income sharing calculation, the effect is somewhat similar but the computation is more complex. I live in an income share state and the way I can best describe the reason I pay child support is that I have my dd 50% of the time but make 60% of our combined incomes. So I'm responsible for 60% of her expenses (as determined by the calculation), 50% of them I pay directly when I have her, and 10% I give to my ex (basically).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 8:26pm

'one thing I wished I'd done is get 51% custody instead of 50%. That would give me a little bit of an edge to ensure I could file household status on my taxes each year, and that makes a big difference $$ wise. I think I can still do it, since I can count the cs as providing a roof over her head, which means I provide for her 50% while she's here and some % while she's there, and together it's over 50%. There are other options besides 50/50 too, you can have 65/45 or 55/45 or anything you both think makes sense.'

Hi,

I know you wrote this a long time ago, but I'm new to the board and just saw it. I left my husband last summer, shortly before my son turned three. Research I'd done said that shared custody, IF the parents could get along about it, was best for children this age. That jibed with my intuition about it, too, so that is what I set up. And luckily it's working well for our son. For all we had a pretty bad marriage toward the end, we're doing a fairly good job at raising our child. My almost-ex is a good father in most ways, and I think this is working out for DS.

I do wish I had known there was a 51/49 option, however. And your strategy about paying cs as counting for more than 50% is interesting to me--I'll have to ask the atty or the tax guy. We make the same amount of money, so there is no formal child support, but since our son is on his health insurance, I end up paying him every month, as well as paying for the bulk of his medicines, clothes, and activities. I hope that counts, it would really benefit me to be able to claim head of household on my taxes next year.

So far, I think it is working out well for all of us (and you put the reasons why very eloquently, btw!)--our son gets significant periods of time with both of us, we can do a lot of our 'adult' things when he's at the others' house, and he's a better parent (and so am I probably) b/c he knows he has limited time with him and time later to take care of extraneous matters. I've made a conscious decision not be an all-good-times-disney-parent, so we do run errands when he's at home, etc, but I take care of some things when I'm on my own. In all honesty, I think a lot of marriages would do better if parents used some version of shared custody in their relationships. Knowing you have a day or two a week for yourself would probably benefit a lot of people.

Thanks for the tip.

CC