Who knew first?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2007
Who knew first?
6
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 8:41am
It really bothers my that my husband's family knew he was going to ask me for a divorce before I did! Why does that bother me so much? I guess I just don't like other people knowing my life is going to change drastically before even I do!! Anyone else go through this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 9:25am

Because it's a breach of trust, that's why.

I'm in the same position. My mother in law knew, my step son and his wife knew, stbxh's brother and sister knew, our old marriage counselor knew and he even told out 11 yo dd a month before he told me!!!!!! And now he wonders why I don't trust him. Hmmmmm? I wonder why.

It's a breach of trust to not tell your spouse when you're telling everyone else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 11:29am
I hear ya!... However, I did confide in a few people before I had the official talk with EX.... but "we'd" already talked about our situation... and he knew full well the topic was on the table before I seriously talked to anyone else about it.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 12:36pm

tx

i discussed my d with many people (my parents, my sister, my mil, my t, my priest) before i discussed with stbx. the reason why? my stbx is an alcoholic and very depressed. i needed strength and support before i could go one on one with him.

we were married for 20 years. if he ever found out, he would feel very betrayed. i lacked the backbone to go at it alone, so i saw it as a way to rally support for a very difficult decision. however, i had approached him months before. i wanted him to go to marriage encounter weekends, mc, ic, aa, rehab, you name it. i also told him that if our home went to foreclosure because he couldn't hold a job due to drinking, i was taking the kids and leaving. and i did it.

i guess all circumstances are different and i don't know yours. i am sorry you are going through this.

what

what
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 12:47pm

TX,


Hi. You can view this behavior a couple of different ways. First, he made up his mind to divorce you and wanted some sort of "confirmation" for his decision from others. Second, he told others before telling you as a form of "gotcha."

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 1:03pm

My then wife was rather fond of threatening to divorce me about every three months (whether I needed it or not).

Every year, we traveled with the kids to her parents house for Christmas. On the way up , she was very quiet.

When we got to her parents house, I was sent on an errand to the local market to get some things necessary for Christmas eve dinner(or so I thought).

When I got back, every one at her parents house was very quiet and would not look me in the eyes.

It turns out that while I was away, she had informed everyone (her parents, her sisters, her grandparents and OUR kids) that we were getting a divorce. Mind you, she had not mentioned this to me yet. I found out later in the day from her moother (of all people) about her anouncement!

Merry Friggin' Christmas!!!!!

(If you imagine this as a tv show, it seems kind of funny.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2007
Sat, 05-05-2007 - 11:36am
I just found out my husband wants a divorce on tuesday. I dont think he told other people first but some of his family commented that they werer surprised it took this long. It hurt to hear that everyone else had a totoally different view of my marriage than I did. I think that divorce is such a hard thing for most women to deal with and its feels harder when other people get in on it.