Why am i depressed? I wanted this!!
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Why am i depressed? I wanted this!!
| Tue, 11-07-2006 - 5:21pm |
I asked for a divorce 2 months ago. He moved out a month ago. The first few weeks I felt free, elated, energetic and hopeful. Then one morning I woke up with the lowest feeling. its going on a week now that I am feeling this and I cant shake it.First guilt that I was responsible for blowing up the family. ( I have one, we have 2 together) And (this is so dont get) I miss having someone else around.I miss the feeling of an intact family. I dont understand this. I wanted this, and have wanted it for a long time. In 12 years of marriage, we worked endlessly on problems that never got better and I felt drained, empty, hopeless, suffocated, angry and resentful. We separated 2 times and I actually filed for divorce 3 years ago. Caved everytime. But not out of love, or working things out, out of fear, lonliness and this overbearing urge to have a "normal" family. Maybe it makes it hard becuase he wasnt a drinker, abuser or anything. Except for not caring a whole lot about my first child, and thier friction, Id have to say hes a pretty decent guy. But we married young and I never fell in love with him. I guess i expected that to come later. We talked and talked and talked, crap, for hours and days on end about problems and such and nothing ever got better. I guess the driving force to make me want to leave is that I just cant live in a relationship where there is no love, and whereas I know that passion fades with time, there never was any there to begin with, and at least couples that had that at first, have something to look back on and cling to. Wow. Im rambling. Just wondering if anyone else out there is going thru the same thing. Im so puzzled at how I could be so sure, as sure as I am breathing, that this is what I wanted and now I am missing the familiarity and the family structure. Never saw this piece coming. Not prepared for it and dont know how to make it go away so i can move on with my life. Any advice??????

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I too could have written this...
My divorce was final almost 2 years ago now, and I still feel this way sometimes. I think, or hope (LOL) that it is somewhat normal.
I was with my ex since I was 18 (I am 38 now) and the last few years, after marriage counseling and "trying" to work everything out, in the end, it was what we both wanted. Until I wanted it of course, then it was all my fault! ;-)
But now, even thought I have met someone else, it just is not the same. I think it is too the breakdown of the family that I miss the most. Not him. I feel jealous of all of the "functional" families around. ANd I feel sorry and guilty for my 2 daughters. I never intended for it to turn out this way.
Hopefully, this passes with time...
Jen
I was married for 7 years to someone who suffers from depression and basically brought it out on me and my son from a previous relationship (I had my son young before I was married). We had 2 more children together.
For years I gave him pretty much an ultimatum to either get help and work on our marriage or end things. I guess I thought somehow me and the kids would come out on top, but we didn't.......
I also have major emotional ups and downs- pretty much stuck in angry for the moment. I don't exactly know how to move on from here........I couldn't handle being treated the way I was for another minute, but I am seriously mourning the loss of our "family." I just don't know how to move on from here. I am 32, I have my education, a good job, great kids....but I miss having a 'somebody' to relax with when the hw is all done and the kids are in bed. Then again, my STBX wasn't there for me anyway. Do you think we just miss the 'idea' of the person instead of the person?
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