Why am I still suprised when he pulls

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2004
Why am I still suprised when he pulls
12
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 10:37pm
this stuff?!!!
Now he is bothering me about my dd in year 3 of her college education. Apparently in order for her to be covered under his companies insurance she must be one of his excemptions on his federal taxes. Well I claimed her last year in order for her to be eligible for more federal loans and now his company is threatening to make him pay back a whole year of insurance. Then he tells me that he can file an amendment to the tax and reclaim her as a dependant! I tell him no way - then the loans can be revoked! Plus then I would owe back taxes!! So then he asks me what are "we" going to do about the almost $4000.00 he owes for insurance!!!! WE? No way - there is no WE anymore. Whatever mistakes he made last year on her eligibilty is his fault and his penalty to pay!!!
So I ask again - Why am I still surprised when he pulls this stuff?
Have any of you had to go thru this? His income is 2 1/2 times mine so if she is his dependant then she qualifies for little or no money. Yet he dosen't offer her any of his $$$. He hasn't paid one cent toward her college. I paid for the first two years while we were still married - and he still thinks I "owe" him money!! He refused to give her the "free" scholarship that his company offers. He said that he had to pay $500.00 in taxes for that money?!!! Totally untrue. I found out from the man in charge of the fund that his company actually adds $50.00 per week to his gross pay and taxes that!
What is a college kid suppose to do for health insurance? I'm checking into adding her to mine where I work, but if I have to pay a lot out of pocket to put her on I can't afford it!
Any suggestions or advise would be greatly appreciated as always. Thanks for letting me rant a little too! ;}
e

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 12:16am
Regarding health insurance for college students: While I was in college, the university offered a special reduced rate insurance for students. It didn't cost much and covered most of the basics, including perscriptions and specialist treatments. In addition, the university had a small clinic on campus which provided services for next to free to students. I actually got better and quicker service there than at a regular doctor. They were able to provide treatments, write perscriptions, and even had a pharmacy with cheap rates. Maybe you should check with the university she attends and find out if they offer student health insurance programs. I would think most universities do, since many students cannot be put on a parent's insurance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 8:18am

I'm confused.... first of all, I've never heard of this, and married couples get the benefit of sharing the deduction, so why wouldn't that apply when you're divorced?


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2004
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 7:42pm
Thanks,
I already thought of that and am filling out the forms as I type. During our divorce process my wonderful then stbx got himself fired from a job that he had for over 18 years senority. That's another long story, but suffice it to say that he was reinstated after a cooling off period of over 3 months. During that time I scrambled to get my son on state medical insurance and my daughter did sign up for the university insurance.
I guess the part that upset me the most was that he fully expected me to give him have the $$ that he might owe back to the company. I paid for her first two years of college without any help from him. So I told him that if that is the way he wants to play things, then he actually owes me almost $20,000.00!
But really today he called me back to say that he is speaking with a benefit rep to try to get this resolved and it looks like she might just have to keep her mailing address at his home (which is what she had been doing). Yet another crisis resolved without me "giving him back some of his money", of which I took all - ya know.
Thanks for your response -
e
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2004
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 7:55pm
Karen,
Thank you for your response. XH actually works for one of the "big three". It is a benefit that he has to insure his children ages 19 thru 25 as long as they are enrolled in college full time for at least 6 mos. a year. He pays no extra premiums.
Yes - I have already began the process of getting her the university insurance. We had to do this once before - in the middle of the divorce he got fired and was eventually reinstated after a cooling off period of over 3 mos. She was getting ready to return to college for her sophmore year - I signed her up for the university insurance.
I guess the part that floored me the most was that he fully expected me to "help" him pay back the insurance company. I paid for her first two years of college without one penny from him. Besides it was him that screwed up the eligiblity forms. I told him that if he was going down that road again that he actually owed me $20,000.00 for one of the years that I paid for!
He keeps expecting me to cough up some of the money that I "took" from him every time he gets in a crunch that was his fault to begin with. He actually wanted me to "give him back" one week of child support so that he could take our son up north for 4 days!? I guess he still thinks I'm stupid and that he can bully me into submission - never again.
Thanks for the advise and I hope you are holding up well after all the garbage you have been thru with your XSO! You of all people deserve so much more!!
Thanks again,
e
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 8:39pm

LOL, you're right..... I (WE) do deserve so much more.... that's why it was time for a change :-)


It does amaze me that they try to pull all of the stuff that they do.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2006
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 1:22pm
I'm new to the boards here but i can truthfully say that men are not very nice once they have been rejected...then all of a sudden you become the enemy but yet they still want to sleep with you and share your life and even have the audacity to get jealous when you move on and they have nothing but problems moving on...my ex sent my daughter a bday card with a pathetic $30 in it for her birthday but has sent nothing for christmas or her bday for the last 2 yrs..he won't even pick up the phone when i call to say that she is having health problems....i think that he only surfaces about every other yr when his guilt gets the better of him....this time however, my daughter wrote him a scathing letter outling the things he needs to do in order to reconnect with her...i'm sure he'll respond in his usual hateful manner and blame me for the way she feels...but this time it's going to be returned without her reading it if it's not positive whatsoever....i'm tired of him surfacing every couple of yrs only to upset the positive things she has done with her life and to make her feel hurt and unloved....any suggestions, do you all think we are doing the right thing in telling him how he has hurt her and what he needs to do in order to reconnect with her???
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 2:30pm

Well, depending on your daughter's age.... and I'm assuming that she's not a small child since she can write a letter.... I would let HER... and not "we" tell him how she feels.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2006
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 2:39pm
Speaking from the prespective of a girl who's Dad left and never had time to be involveded with my life I think it's a great idea. Last christmas my Dad had to call my sister to ask how many kids I have and what there names were. I wish I had the courage to tell my dad exactly how I feel. I have had intentions to write him a letter for a long time now but never been able to put pen to paper. If nothing else she will feel much better for herself. She will know that she did all she could and more then she should have had too. Hugs to you and your daughter!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2006
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 2:54pm
I agree..I think she should be able to read his response. In the end he is who he and his his response will be a reflection of the kind of future relationship she can expect from him. All you can do is be there to support her and love her. You can't change him or thier relationship. Just be the wonderful mom you already are to her. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2006
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 3:24pm
i just think it's awful that she feels that her dad doesn't love her...but his actions pretty much say that....well, whatever his response is, i think i'll let her open the letter, if there is a return letter...if not, once again she will see him for the hateful bitter man he has become...but then again, she has already told him in no uncertain terms not ot ever contact her and he's once again trying desperately to instigate problems and hurt

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