Why am I thinking this way
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 03-03-2008 - 2:02am |
I just found this board and I'm glad I did. I have been going through hell the last couple of weeks. Basically my husband is a cheater- was before we were married and has done it the last few years. Mostly he messes around with people he doesn't care about but three times he has left me basically because he has found someone with whom he has an "emotional connection". Anyway, 3 weeks ago he decided we should sleep in separate beds. Then he said we should take a break and he should move out for a while and we should perhaps go to counseling and work on things. Then I found a text message from someone thanking him for flowers. Then I started searching and learned that next week when he goes to visit his family and see a show with a friend in antoher state (he planned this months ago) that he has booked a hotel room for 3 of the 10 days. Anyway, I confronted him on it and after much discussion he finally admitted he was meeting someone. So I basically said "if you value this marriage at all you will cancel this trip or I will divorce you". He waited a couple of days and said that he "didn't accept my ultimatum" and that he feels he should be able to break it off with her how he wants. So I said fine, he made the decision and we will get divorced. Then tonight I'm sitting here thinking maybe I made a rash decision and should reconsider the counseling thing. What is wrong with me??????????????????? I do love him and I konw he loves me but he just has this problem. He has a sex problem. And when I think of that I think about how he could work on it and I want to support him. Anyway, I guess I guess I'm just asking, does it make sense to wait on filing or should I just do it? My heart says one thing, my head says another. Which makes me think I should wait, but then I htink about how I'm giving in to him and letting myself be humiliated. It is one thing to forgive what someone has done but can you forgive (or should you) for something they will do that they know you konw about that they know is wrong?
I should mention we don't have kids- just dogs- so I'm not thinking of doing this because of kids.
Thanks for the support and advicd

Kitty,
Your situation isn't a surprise to either you or your husband. So, cut yourself some breathing space. Realize he's not going to change because of any threat. (His only concern is his next fix not whether it upsets you).
First, your husband must decide
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
IMHO I think staying would only make things worse...or at least prolong the inevitable. Staying is like telling him it's ok....walk all over me, I don't care, I'll still be here! And he knows this, he knows you're not going to leave and he can do whatever the heck he wants. So it's up to you, do you want to be treated like this the rest of you're life? Because as long as you are with him, he's going to think his behavior is OK.
Also, I think that if it was *only* a sex addiction problem, he wouldn't keep leaving you for the emotional relationships. It's like you're the safety net...unless he finds something better! You know how grass is always green on the other side.....so they think.
I wish you strength!