Why can't' I get over him after his affair?
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|Sun, 09-16-2012 - 11:19pm|
My husband and I have been together for 4 years, married 2 1/2. We have had some relationship issues, its the second marriage for us both and there are step kids involved. I've been crazy about him from the beginning, he had some trouble settling down at first, there had been a few women that he flirted around with before we married and I was newly divorced. I always felt we moved a little too fast but I knew I loved him and could spend the rest of my life with only him forever. He was the same after the first year. He was head over heels! He would write and leave little love notes for me, text me poems for no reason, plan romantic getaways and much more. There was so much passion and we were both ALWAYS so satisfied. He knew I had trust issues d/t his past and he reminded me constantly that there was nothing about me that could ever leave him wanting anything from another woman. He told me things like this in a hundred different ways all the time. He was all about us and our marriage, our family, protecting ourselves from infidelity and maintaining a union. We were very devoted Christians and attended church regularly until about a year ago (he has been in church his whole life, me not so much). We are both 36 yr old. We started having a lot of problems last year, he was always accusing me of wanting to go back to my ex (anytime I showed guilt about my first divorce), he would start fights saying that I wasn't goanna be good to him, that I was gonna do him wrong., it got to the point I felt he was just picking everything we had apart, looking for every single negative aspect to blow up and I did get pushed away and we separated for about 2-3 months. We reconciled but during the split, he was involved with another woman. We eventually moved past it, I got over it and we decided to work things out. Since then it has been up and down. He would be attentive and loving then distant and cold. I found out in July that he was having an affair with a co-worker. Long story short, the up and down rollercoaster got more and more intense and he grew more and more distant sexually (was NEVER an issue).... I started digging and discovered the affair. I recorded him having convo with the mistress, taking about how he couldn't stand to look at me since he'd been with her, that he doesn't have a fetish for "old" ppl (the mistress is 28 yr old). I heard them talking about having sex and all in great detail and I confronted him immediately, reported them both to their employer, called her husband and told him, kicked him out of the house and filed for divorce. That all happened about 2 months ago. In the mean time, he has come back home, initially it was so that we could give the kids some stability and get finances under control because he did lose his job. I can't get over it! Why is it killing me to let go? Why is it so hard for me to accept what he did, the lies, the betrayal, the depth of his deceit? I hate his guts one minute the next I just want our marriage back and believe I'd do anything to repair it, even forgive him! Do I need to go back to church? Do I need to go out? Do I need to date? I am completely lost and broken and it just gets worse every day. Please tell me something=-(((