Why can't I let go?

Avatar for sweetpea1981
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Why can't I let go?
5
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 7:22pm
Even after everything I still can't seem to let go. I still hold out hope that maybe my husband will want to come home. He hasn't been mean or anything but he has told me that he doesn't love me and that we just aren't right for each other and it wont happen. Why do I still tell myself that it is still possible and why do I still hold out hope? I seem to twist everything that he says around in my head in hopes that maybe he still has feeling and will return to me. I just don't know how to be strong. I don't know what to do to really tell myself and to really believe that it is over for good. I need to move on but I just can't. I can't afford counciling and I just don't know if that would help anyways. What do I do. Advice please...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 8:06pm
Don't have any advice for you just hugs. You aren't the only one doing this. I am too. I hope and pray everyday that he will just come home. Maybe someday I'll smarten up.
Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

Avatar for sweetpea1981
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 11:06pm
Thank you Brenda. I will gladly accept hugs too. I don't wish this pain on anyone but it does help a little to know that I am not alone in this. I know people have gone through much worst (at least we are getting along for the most part) but it still hurts and I still hate it. Thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 07-29-2006 - 7:52am

hugs...

remember that divorce is a process, that doesn't start and end with the actual divorce. it takes time to get over this. i don't know what your relationship with your stbx was like - if it was like my relationship with my ex, i spent my entire marriage tring to 'fix' him, 'fix' the marriage - my entire focus was on HIM. and then when that's all over --- you kind of lose that focus and you need to redirect yourself.

therapy will help you - i don't know if you can afford NOT to get therapy. maybe there are services available to you - thru a community center, church, health plan. it pays to ask. if you really can't afford it - then at least get a good 'self help' book (i am in love with dr. phil and i found his books extremely helpful because they are really 'down to earth').

friends can help too - this board is a good place to start. maybe there is a support group around where you live?

doing something for yourself is also good - take baby steps. maybe its committing yourself to a healthier lifestyle, exercise/diet. maybe you can take a class or two in a community center/college - something that you always wanted to do but didn't. try volunteering - even an hour or two a week of your time will benefit others as well as give you a new outlook on life.

hang in there...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2006
Tue, 08-01-2006 - 9:30pm

I'm in the exact same boat, if that makes you feel any better! misery loves company, haha. My husband of 11 years (together for 20) decided he wasn't IN LOVE with me anymore - but he does love me, for whatever that is worth. We both turned 40 this year, and he thinks we have time to each find 'someone else' -- i was so blown away by this - it happened overnight. one day he was here, the next he was gone. this has been so devastating to me - and get this - we paid for our whole family to go on a big cruise - and it leaves tomorrow. And he isn't going. I will go, stay in 'our' cabin without him. This will be so hard. i spend nights going over all the "i wish i had" and "if only's" - one day i think he'll be back, the next i know it won't be happening, and it hurts so much. guess i can just tell you to reach out to me and we'll hold each other's hands and we will get through this awful time. i'm not religious, but i want to believe things happen for a reason. it helps. something better is waiting for us.

amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2006
Wed, 08-02-2006 - 1:28am
I'm going through the same thing here. Just hoping every time I talk to him he will say ok I'm coming home now. Or he will just walk in with all of his stuff. Everyday I do get stronger though I feel it. Remember there will be good days and bad days as I am learning now. Our anniversary is this month it should be interesting how I will feel on that day.

Brittany (Mom2FiveDrews)


Kiana "The Basketball Star" 11 years old


Vanessa & Jazmine "The Twins" 9 years old


Olivia "The Princess" 3 years old


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Brittany "MomtofiveDrews"

Kiana "Hooprincess" 13 yrs old