Why is child support a chore not a given
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Why is child support a chore not a given
| Sun, 04-17-2005 - 8:17pm |
I was wondering what everyone's thoughts were on why paying child support seems like it is a chore for the non-custodial parent.
I don't know of many situations that result in people joyfully paying child support to help raise their children.
What are your thoughts? good or bad.


Because most people would much rather spend the money directly to benefit the children themselves. I mean, if someone told you that due to your gender you'd only get to visit your children every other weekend, but that's okay, you'd get the joy of paying your ex to raise them, would you be jumping for joy? We all know that men have a very tiny chance of getting more than every other weekend unless the mother willingly agrees to it.
My bf pays a ton in child support, yet he can't afford to have a room for his son at his own house. He would give anything to actually be raising his son, he really doesn't enjoy having to pay his ex so that she can enjoy all the joys of parenting for herself. In all honesty, it's not so much the money as what he's missing.
I pay child support and I do wish my ex made a little more of a decent living so he could support dd when she was there *and* contribute to her daycare costs, so all the financial burden for that did not fall on me. That is my experience. I can't speak for everyone who pays child support and what they feel about it.
I think the non custodial parent thinks that the money is making the custodial parent's pocket fat.
Believe me when I get $100 a week (and i know that they are some parents out there that don't even get a quarter of this) and her daycare is $75 and her school tuition that is not included in child support is $45/mo. I get no food stamps, no assistance, pay my own rent, my own car/insurance, carry insurance for all 3 of us DD, STBX (can't drop him until divorce is final), with the price of gas these days I use my lunch hour to pick up DD from preschool because STBX said he didn't want her riding public transport (no not school bus she goes to a private little preschool catholic only because the preschool in the town we live in couldn't bus her to her babysitter in a neighboring town and this catholic {which we are catholic} preschool is down the street from my work)he said if I dropped her off at school he would pick her up. Ok that has happened how many times now hmmmm never!!! But yet he can go have another kid with someone else and after this child was born he stopped paying me $100 a week for 7 weeks until we went to court. Because I "wouldn't let him see our daughter". But court won't enforce that $700 he still owes his daughter. And to top it all off he gets paid under the table and so here is fun loving Michigan he pays when he can and until he is 2 months+ behind in CS they won't do anything to him. So here I get a check for $35 and another one 4 weeks later for $50.
Believe me the opportunity to have my child more in my life everyday because when she goes with him every other weekend kills me. I know she needs to see her dad and she loves him but what gives you the right to enjoy this little girl when you don't support her like a REAL father should?!! I have too but I will do whatever I have to for my daughter.
I only get paid $11/hr and I have $115 per pay (every 2 weeks) taken out of my check for health insurance for all of us. That is why we only had one child because we couldn't afford another one in daycare and with the risk of her having kidney reflux like our DD has. But yet he can go have another kid and complain to me that he handed me $100 last week that was supposed to pay for tuition, daycare and hmm lets see oh yeah go toward the $700 that he admits he owes us. Yep don't spend that dollar all in one place.
Sorry for ramblin but whew had to let it out!!!!
FeliciaRG
Unfortunately, cs is not fair. They use a standard calculation and apply it to everyone. There is no way that one calculation fits all situations. What about when one parent inherited a house from their parents, and don't have to pay rent or a mortgage, just annual property taxes? What about when one parent has an astronomical car payment because the other parent ruined their credit in the divorce? They do a standard calculation because it's efficient, not because it's fair.
There are so many women out there that the cs doesn't touch the other parents portion of expenses, and there are also plenty of men who are bankrupt by the cs amount. That will always be the case with the system the way it is. What I feel would be more fair is figure out cs using the standard calculation, and then take a look at what that leaves each parent with at the end of each month after expenses. CS should make the standard of living for the child relatively similary in both households, or at least as close as possible to the standard of living when the parents were together. So if you figure out the child support and then take a second look and see that the CP can't afford health insurance and daycare while the NCP is going on vacations every other month, or you see that the NCP can't afford normal living expenses while the CP is driving a new lexus, then an adjustment may be in order. No system can be 100% fair, but we could do a lot better than we are doing. Unfortunately there may not be an easy cure for one parent working under the table, or failing to pay and then disappearing.
Why did you reply like this to me??? How is my post demonizing men? How? Did you even read my post?????
We do not 'know' that most child support does not go to the children. As I said in my other post, cs is not fair and this CAN happen. I totally agree it can and DOES happen. But there just as many women out there living in poverty because their ex disappears, or simply never pays any support. When it comes to child support, there is unfairness on both sides, because the system if flawed IMHO.
I think that all too often the BIG picture of what CS really covers is not clear.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Well I totally feel if you make babies you better support them. I will do whatever I can do for my daughter. And I have. Am I judging this to ALL MEN? NO way I am juding this to anyone who should pay support and doesn't.
This money isn't mine it belongs to my daughter and I use it when I get it for her. But I also failed to mention that my STBX pays no rent or house note (lives off sisters he has 4 of them), no utlities, no groceries, he said at our FOC meeting that he wasn't paying anything on this other kid (must be she thinks she is special and that is why she isn't forcing the issue), drives a brand new 2004 Chevy pick up, pays no insurance coverage becaue I do.
If he was actually living like me paycheck to paycheck and having to pay rent and utilities like the rest of us in the real world I wouldn't force the issue but when he can not work for 3 days straight and drive round trip 100 miles 3-4 times a week with this price a gas. And even ditch my kid the 2 nights that he fought to get her during the week then that is when I have a problem.
Again - money isn't really the issue with me it is the child. I would walk through fire to make sure my daughter didn;t go without. That isn't pertaining to cable, toys and DVD's. That is lights, food, heat and water. Oh yeah and an occasional candy bar here and there.