Why? Control issue
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 03-02-2005 - 11:01pm |
My problem is the control issue. I wonder if I am picking men who are control freak or I make them like that. I personally think it is both, but I don't have any knowledge to base my opinion. I do know my father is a control freak and I tend to over react when it comes to the subject.
I feel like I was meant to live single life because I am too opinionated. I have a hard time letting anyone making decision about my life... Off course that causes problem in marriage so I understand I contribute to the problem myself. At the same time, you would expect a man who loves you will respect that, but that's not the case of my marriage.
We are still married because we really don't see each other. My husband is in overseas and he comes home every 6 months or so and stays several weeks. Our kids are 6, 4, and 3, and they are used to not having him around. However, they do have good relationship with him.
I really think he is out there. He is very creative when it comes to accusing me of doing something wrong. Everyone knows I am so busy because I am a full-time worker, a full-time student, and a full-time mom to take care of 3 kids, do everything by myself. I am always running around because I want to. But I don't do things that he is accusing me of. I simply work, study, and take care of house and kids. I feel the real issue here is the control.
If someone knows a book about control issues, please recommend me. I really think both of us have issues. I know eventually we will divorce. I actually suggested him to divorce and find his own happines since it seems like I am causing so much trouble in his life for being myself. My nickname is superwoman. But to him, I am a failure. I don't need a man who tries to impose something negative about myself.
A control freak husband and a wife who over reacts to control freak... What a great couple. How did we find and picked each other? It's amazing, isn't it?

A quick peek at Amazon finds the following books. If you have a good local library, they will have some of these. I know that Patricia Evans is a really good author on such subjects. Good luck.
Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal With People Who Try to Control You, by Patricia Evans; Compelled to Control, by J. Keith Miller; The Control Freak, by Les Parrott; If You Had Controlling Parents : How to Make Peace with Your Past and Take Your Place in the World, by Dan Neuhart
if your husband is a control freak - then he is a control freak. its not YOUR fault nor did you make him this way. OTOH - it is not your husband's fault if YOU feel negative about yourself
Thank you ladies. I will do both. Read those books and go to therapy since my insurance covers it.
For as something negative about myself... He uses what I feel negative about myself. For example, I reglet that I did not finish my degree when I was younger. So I am in school now and will get my degree by 2007. My college is none of his business since my company is paying for it 100%. Yet, he makes sarcastic comments that I was provably busy just screwing around and being a slut, which is not even true.
Yes, control issue is just one of the issues that HE has. I don't care about his problems since I am going to divorce him. But I care about mine. I am admitting the fact that I have the issue and going to fix it. This message board has a lot of good information that I can use. I'm glad that I found this place.
im glad youre going to see someone about this. i could have written your post! it sounds so much like my x-h and i. and my dad is a major control freak too.
finish school. focus on yourself.
good luck and hugs for you
:)