why couldn't he wait to date?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2006
why couldn't he wait to date?
58
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 5:16pm
My daughter just found out through her friend that her dad (my STBX) has been on "walks" with a new special friend. I asked him about it and he said he met her three weeks ago (as soon as he moved out apparently) and they've been on a few walks so he could have someone to talk to, as he's so lonely. He did admit to holding hands. Who knows what else has happened? During this time, he has continued to blame me for our problems, including the reason he moved out (I told him to move out since he wanted to get away from me and stop the fighting). He has acted like he was upset and wanted to work on the marriage. Gee, funny way of showing it. I had hoped/expected that he would have waited until the dissolution was final in June. Guess not. He's telling that woman things he'd never tell me. Holding her hand and giving her attention, when he wouldn't give it to me. I suppose he actually did me a favor. Now I can really see that he doesn't "want to work on the marriage" and I should quit secretly hoping. I guess I'm embarrassed, sad, and angry. Someone asked when you "know" it's over. Well, I guess I know. I just want to strangle him. And to do it in such a public way, and for our children to find out Daddy's moved on to someone else. It just hurts so much. Thanks for letting me vent, Jo
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Sun, 04-30-2006 - 3:09pm
I too felt very "replaced". Like I was as insignificant as an old pair of shoes that could just be tossed aside as soon as there were new ones. That is the most HORRIBLE feeling in the world!!!!! Especially when the man is the father of your children, ugh..... And you know, I don't want him back. I don't miss him. I miss what I'd hoped to have, I miss the man I had hoped he would be. I miss the dreams that I had which included him. However, I now realize that those dreams would never have become a reality with him. It still is very hard though to see him going out and spending money, going on vacations and all of that with The Skank. We hardly went anywhere. We never even had a real honeymoon. We were supposed to go on one for our third anniversary. We separated before that could happen. It's like I just want to know that I'm missed, I want to know that his heart hurt, even if just a tiny little bit, when he realized that we weren't going to be a family anymore. However, it seems as though he's celebrating. That's the part that hurts. I don't want him back, I just want him to be miserable too! lol I just want to know that I was something special at some point. But, I DO NOT want him back!!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sun, 04-30-2006 - 3:19pm

*giggles*

I'll tell ya a funny story. Once my divorce was final and my friend went to a wedding I was suppose to be in but I got kicked out (go figure my husband cheats on me but **I** get kicked out of the wedding and he gets to stay and be the best man) whatever...anyhow, so my friend comes and says I wanted you to hear from me but at the wedding he was wearing a wedding ring, I said Are you serious??? and she said yes, so I said okay, and she said that him and his OW got married over 4th of july weekend (just 2 months after our divorce was absolute)...they didn't waste any time, even though a few months earlier they had broken up and she was threatening him with a sexual harrassment lawsuit and his parents sold the restaurant, I guess he really LURVVVVVVVVVVVVEDDDDDDDDDD her because he was stupid enough to still marry her. LOL Anyhow...so not too long after that I got season tickets to hockey to get myself out of the house and I love hockey, met a couple single girls there and started going out on the weekends, met the team, started hanging out with a ton of them. Well let me tell ya, it was so much fun...letting it get back to my ex that I was hanging out with the pro hockey team while he was married to his OW who was 15 years older than him. You see while he was looking to divorce me he kept saying how he just didn't want to be married, he wasn't the marrying type he wanted to be free, and single and not tied down, Now I wasn't stupid, he was having an affair, and he wanted to be with her, so it was the best revenge, that here I was single, 28 years old whooping it up with hot 25 year old pro hockey players while he was home watching her 3 kids while she was probably out with her friends. ROFL

The best revenge is living a good life. *evil grin*

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 04-30-2006 - 5:45pm
I know the general consensus it to only talk to your ex about divorce-related matters and the children. While this is ideally what we should do, some of us have a hard time actually doing it....I know I did. My ex used to call CONSTANTLY while we were separated. I'd answer, I'd allow myself to get engaged in some insanity...and the
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2006
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 11:38am

I'm trying to break the cycle. It can almost be addictive! I'm trying to reply nicely and to the point. It seems to work better for everyone, esp. the children when they hear us getting mean. I need to not turn on the computer and e-mail at work!

Anyway, last night I stopped at his house to drop off his mail and get the support check. We ended up on the back patio drinking beer and calmly talking. I hugged him and started bawling. He was nice about it and tried to calm me down. On the way home, he just had to call and tell me how that made him so h____, because he hadn't had "it" in a long time. I didn't know a sobbing woman could turn a man on. Sheesh...why couldn't he just say it felt nice to hold me and that he missed being intimate (instead of graphic)? I miss it too...but that didn't help my emotional state. (I didn't turn around and go back, I just went home and cleaned).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 2:01pm

takingalittlebreak...

Not that it matters to the rest of the group---but "a little sex AND a little cleaning" definitely turn me on!

Pianoguy (who did 2 loads of wash earlier today and damn near flooded the cellar!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2006
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 7:43pm
Well, I've had a LOT of cleaning lately (my house is for sale) and NO sex lately. Six longgg months..........
And I am NOT turned on by cleaning!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 6:39am

takingalittlebreak...

PG was teasing you about the "cleaning turn-on!" And considering the fact that you're in the process of selling your home, best wishes in finding a buyer who will pay you what your home is worth.

But I'm afraid I've got your '6-months with NO SEX' record beat. I won't give you the exact number, but (in my case) it has been years....not months!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 7:59pm

Yeah - for some of us, it's been years....

I don't mind saying it, for me it's been almost five years with no sex. That's OK by me - I don't know that I am at a point yet where I'd trust anyone - and no one has been knocking on my door anyway. Middle-aged ladies with a kid in kindergarten just aren't that attractive! Heehee!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2006
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 9:01pm

Awwww...I used to teach kindergarten. And I saw a lot of lovely ladies. And there's nothing like a good mother...in her child's eyes, she's the prettiest woman in the world!

p.s. I don't think I can go "years". Arghhhhhhhhhhh

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 9:20pm

I imagine most of the Moms were in their 20's or 30's. A lot of people say I don't *look* like I am 44...but I know I'm not a young chickie anymore!

I know my ds thinks I am pretty. : )

I just don't think many men out there would think I was attractive.... : ) Most of them want a young gal that they can go have fun with at the drop of a hat - not one who is tied down with work, school and taking care of a child. I don't think I have enough of the *fun factor* anymore - i.e. I think most guys that see me don't look twice 'cause I probably don't look like I would be any fun!!!

Sometimes I do miss having someone to hold me....but I am pretty darn picky about who that someone is going to be! Right now - I don't think he exists.