why couldn't he wait to date?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2006
why couldn't he wait to date?
58
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 5:16pm
My daughter just found out through her friend that her dad (my STBX) has been on "walks" with a new special friend. I asked him about it and he said he met her three weeks ago (as soon as he moved out apparently) and they've been on a few walks so he could have someone to talk to, as he's so lonely. He did admit to holding hands. Who knows what else has happened? During this time, he has continued to blame me for our problems, including the reason he moved out (I told him to move out since he wanted to get away from me and stop the fighting). He has acted like he was upset and wanted to work on the marriage. Gee, funny way of showing it. I had hoped/expected that he would have waited until the dissolution was final in June. Guess not. He's telling that woman things he'd never tell me. Holding her hand and giving her attention, when he wouldn't give it to me. I suppose he actually did me a favor. Now I can really see that he doesn't "want to work on the marriage" and I should quit secretly hoping. I guess I'm embarrassed, sad, and angry. Someone asked when you "know" it's over. Well, I guess I know. I just want to strangle him. And to do it in such a public way, and for our children to find out Daddy's moved on to someone else. It just hurts so much. Thanks for letting me vent, Jo

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Sun, 05-14-2006 - 9:44pm

ITA with many of the previous posters' opinions. I'm sure that it seems like he's in this happy, perfect little relationship and that hurts like HELL. I know it did (and sometimes still DOES) for me. Sometimes I find myself wondering what she has that I don't. Then

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 11:26am
My exhusband said the same thing about married, yet he married his OW 3 months after our divorce was absolute. They couldn't even stay together a complete year without breaking up numerous times, yet he still married her. So what they say and what they do seem to never coincide.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 7:46pm

**So what they say and what they do seem to never coincide.**


I would venture a guess that this is the very reason that many of us are now single!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 7:53pm
Yes but to be honest, I count my blessings everyday that I am no longer married to him, although I couldn't see it then and I would have fought hard for my marriage, although he refused to because he just wanted to be with his mistress. She did me a favor. My life is 1000x better without him in it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 8:43am
That's so true!

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 9:17am

Yes this sucks.

No, not all men go dating as soon as they move out.

Clearly there has been a tremendous amount of resentment between you and your STBX, and that resentment is now working its way to the surface. And remember that you are likely exhibiting as much resentment as your STBX -- you are exhibiting it in different ways.

What I find most bothersome is that your daughter is sharing things with you about her father.

Speaking from experience, you need to put an end to this right now. While it may seem that you are supporting your daughter, and/or that the two of you are growing closer by discussing "what's going on with daddy", the end result of this is that you WILL!!!! drive your daughter insane. She is a child and this kind of behaviour pattern elevates her to an adult status -- and that's unhealthy. My eldest step-daughter, now 26, is a emotional wreck who cannto survive without her mommy. She lives at home and ekes out a living as a video store clerk -- which is sad because she was the smartest human being I've ever met.

Find her a councelor, at school, private, at church. Someone who understands how to deal with children in divroce and volitile home environments. While I agree she needs to talk about and deal with these things, you should not be her primary "councelor".

And you also need to make sure the flow in information is not going the other way too!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 10:45am
Nope when we are in that pain its too hard to see I never did either. Its why I try really hard on the BS board to counsel those going through the same thing I did that there is light at the end of the dark tunnel and that even if divorce is the choice that they will make it through. I'm also not a big fan of namecalling, I know in anger some people do it but it makes me cringe, my ex had a mistress, I'm all to aware of the anger associated with those feelings but it does make me cringe so I try to steer the BS on the boards to more appropriate goals there as well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 5:21pm
That's awesome!

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

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